If You Keep Overdosing on Drugs and Don't Die, They Call You "Iron Man" and then, "Iron Man 2"
HEAD'S UP, TRUE CHRISTIANS™! - ANOTHER FILM REVIEW BY PASTOR DEACON FRED
Freehold, Iowa - Members of the Landover Baptist Church are not permitted to visit motion picture houses (movie theaters) unless they obtain a pink permission slip from our head pastor. "Our concern is that we maintain the integrity of our collective personal testimony," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "We are are a powerful and influential body of True Christians™ and we can't have unsaved folks saying, "I saw so and so attending a movie that Christians shouldn't be seeing."
Sadly, as believers in the Holy Bible, some movies warrant our militant attention. There might be occasions where a member of our church could lead someone to Christ if they had some knowledge of a particular current event, or even some reliable hearsay regarding the plot of a current secular movie. As such, our Pastor provides insightful information regarding some movies that are popular among the unsaved.
Earlier this month, Pastor was moved by the Holy Spirit and several young boys in the Junior High Youth Group to provide commentary on the film "Iron Man." We pray that his spiritual observations about the film will assist you and your Christian family as you look to provide answers and important discussion points to unsaved folks who might be thinking about seeing, "Iron Man." Pastor's insights will help steer secluar conversations about the movie toward the saving Gospel message of hope in our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Pastor's Review of Iron Man, Iron Man II and all Iron Man Sequels Forthcoming:
The first thing you have to understand about "Iron Man," movies is that they are based on a super hero comic book series. For those of you who are not aware, super hero comic books are cartoon-style magazines read by effeminate young boys who don't play sports. I'm going to put it bluntly - and ladies, close your ears now, or ask your husband later - comic book readers are given toward a lifestyle of masturbation directed toward men wearing leotards (and in some cases, "tight metallic leotards"). Thankfully, in a civilized society, school boy sissies are not able to fulfill their disgusting fantasies in our school gymnasiums unless of course, they are attending school in England, where boys learn to prance about like homosexuals in the first grade! In God's Country, if a sissy boy has a hankering delight for the poop-scented aroma of a male anus, and tries to stick his nose inside a classmate's hiney (as they are wont to do) in the school gym, God willing, there will be a True Christian™ jock on hand to beat the devil out of him!
I've never opened a comic book in my life, and to be honest with you - I've never seen the film, "Iron Man," nor "Iron Man II." I will never also be tempted by Satan to see any forthcoming sequels of Iron Man filth! Even if one of them is directed by Kirk Cameron himself! I don't have to! Amen? Jesus, the Holy Spirit who dwells within me, and a few hours of TMZ work as a guide to figuring out what this movie is really all about on a spiritual level that unsaved people will never understand or appreciate.
The general idea of every super hero story is always the same, a mild mannered man gets super powers and tries to save the world without the blessing of Jesus Christ. I bet you didn't know that most authors of these stories steal their ideas from the Bible. You see, Jesus had super powers (He still does!) and He can fly. In "Iron Man," Hollywood puts a hedonistic spin on the genre. We've basically got ourselves a mild-mannered-man who overdoses on Viagra. Iron Man is named for his enormously taught and giant tally whacker which is used to knock out villains with a quick gyration of his hips. It comes as no surprise that Robert Downey Jr. was chosen for the role. He's overdosed on just about every drug in the world. In "Iron Man," Hollywood shows moviegoers what happens when they pour a funnel full of Viagra between Mr. Downey's all too eager, pursing lips. In fact, in the drug world, a person who overdoses on drugs countless times but never dies - and just keeps coming back for more, is called an "Iron Man." And when they come back for more, they are called "Irony Man II!"
With Pfizer as their sponsor, movie promoters were given carte blanche in promoting the original "Iron Man" movie. In England, where the film was initially released, we're told that "Iron Man" condoms were handed out to theatergoers! Hollywood has NO SHAME! Sadly, "Iron Man" movies work on an even more depraved level, for we know that it led to Mr. Downey being selected to play a colored man in one of his recent movies! In speaking with Creation Scientists here at Landover Baptist, I'm told that Mr. Downey is quite possibly now suffering from "permanent hardening of the penis." I'm guessing his role, playing a man of color was the logical choice, and I have no doubt the portrayal will be flawless for an actor who goes the extra inch to absorb his characters. But, I must say that showcasing this poor gentleman who prides himself in pouring his utmost into each character might be funny to some rich Jew who likes to see decent Americans self-destruct in front of millions of people, but it is just terribly sad! How much further will Hollywood push this poor little ignorant man only to line their wallets? We must keep Mr. Downey in our prayers! His only hope is Jesus Christ, and a large bag of ice."
For the True Christians™ who have read this article, we are praying that our
Pastor's insight will help you share God's message of hope with people who
are thinking about seeing, "Iron Man" movies. If you are tempted to
enter a den of iniquity like a motion picture house, we ask that your first
stop be landoverbaptist.org to
read our Pastor's important and insightful commentary before making your
decision. God Bless You!