A Small Sample of Landover Baptist Mail Received February 2004  (unedited and in original form)

Your sight would be funny if it weren't for the fact that you are serious. I have seen paranoia before but you take it to a new height. I am a christian and attend a protestant church regularily and find it hard to believe that you would advertise that non-believers are not welcome. Who do you think Jesus died to save? -Believing Baptists? Get a grip on reality.

Phyllis Pearson

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to express my concern about the lawsuit about the cartoon, Spongebob Squarepants. I would just like to state that a person who could see human genitalia by looking at a cartoon upside-down, must have impurities in the mind. I am alse very concerned that Pastor Deacon Fred would rather let his grandson watch US troops killing arabs than a children's cartoon! Also, being a Christian and using innappropriate words, such as "bastard" does not sound very Christian at all! I would also like to say that backplays are gibberish, rather than what is said on that cartoon. I don't know about you, but from watching that cartoon, I know that the words are spoken in perfectly understandable english.

On another subject, I would like to say that your doctrine looks similarly like that of an exclusive sect. I would also like to ask that since you dont believe in allowing the unsaved in your church services, how do you get so many people attending? Would you rather see an unsaved person burn in hell, than them turning from their wicked ways and going to Heaven wjen they die?


Caleb Griffioen

What is this about a playstation 2. I thought all you had to do is admit to the lord that you are a sinner and ask him to forgive you. Is this not the right way?  Also I saw on you site that sinners aren't welcome I thought Jesus went into the world to save the sinners " That includes you" Maybe you should redo your site so it is up to date. Or for your case just pray.

Concerned Christian

All I can say for you is I will be praying for you and your  church to break the spirts over your doctrine

gayla hernandez

hello i took your quiz and noticed it said i got the question wrong you unsaved idiot!!!!!!!!!! OMG YOU are a bunch of wolves in sheeps clothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOW you must have a hollier than thou attitude!!!!!!!this is the worst christian site I have EVER seen.Id bet this site is meant as a joke cuz it really is...you are an embarassment too myself the human race and God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you speak nothing but hearsay go ahead mail me i cant wait too debate you now LMAO+

Wade E.

Dear Landover, I laugh at your ignorance. I have religious friends and I must say that if Jesus existed today, he would have wanted love. What are you people? You're hateful "Holier than thou" morons. You have grown stupid and out of touch. If there is a heaven and Jesus is what he seems than you should go there for living a good life, regardless of frivilous trifles like faith and using tampons. Love -me

Get lives,

Randy Wykoff

Please tell me you are joking. This site -and consiquently your ideas of a spanking- is a blasphamos. I agree that a good christian spanking is needed at a young age in life, but there are SEVERAL things wrong with the way in which your site lays this out. First of all is the point of LYING to the child to get them over your knee. This breaks the trust between parents and their children. If a child has disobayed they need to understand what they did and way it is wrong. Secondly, the bible is the word of God, not a weapon to be used for spanking. use your hand or a paddle. It is things like this that cause kids to run away from Christ at an older age, and what causes none christians to veiw spanking as evil. Finallyy I want to make one last point. A spanking is given because you love your child and want to teach them to behave. not to "beat the devil out of them". I am appalled at your comment about throwing your child off your leg like a discarded tissue. What kind of heartless maniac are you?? It is fanatics like you that give Christians a bad name.

Feel free to post this on your cite (though i'm sure you won't). In fact, if you have even read this far then i will be surprised. You seriously need to look into your beliefs on punishment and get some mental help before you abuse anouther child and run the christian faith deeper into the ground. In fact, i suggest you look into your christian faith all together.

Please e-mail me at [xxxxxxxxxxx]@aol.com. we need to talk.

May God Bless, Michael Simmons II (Archangel1802)

You are a bunch of fucking asshole idiots!
Your website is trash.  And you are far from being True Christians.
Get a life! And stop staining the reputation of God's people!

Time and Beth Mallow

I was asked to give a presentation on christian sexuality and I came across your website while researching. http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0502/breastfeeding.html

I was shocked to find an ad-link to get your what would Jesus do thong, which includes a pic of a high cut thong on a female. How distasteful!

In Christ,

Brad Bergeron

Dear "Pastor":

Are you people really serious with this garbage? You encourage parents to beat their kids with a Bible and call them "sissies" and "demons"? Where the hell do you get off with that bullshit? We're all worried about terrorists in the middle east, while we have all these Christian terrorists right here at home. You are sick and full of hate and ignorance. Your scare tactics don't work on me. You better be worried about saving your own ass, because if there is a God, you extremists will be the first to feel his wrath. Sick people use the Bible to justify their own twisted desires and needs; the Bible is the word of man, not God: worthless! And so are you--worthless. Don't bother responding, I won't argue with idiots.

The Toastmaster

You and I both know that Jesus doesn't want our children to hate us as Parents !!!!!!!

You will go to HELL for lieing to our children. Jesus doesn't want us to HATE anyone, NO MATTER what !!!!!!!!!

Shame on you and your Church for teaching our children to steal from their parents.

One of the Ten Commandments are - Tou Shalt Not STEAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that is what you are teaching our children. YOU MUST BE THE DEVIL !!!!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS STEALING FROM US !!!!


Al Lawnman

You must be crazy to try to talk children into taking their parents credit cards and checkbooks.

What ever happened to "Honer thy parents"? Not "hate thy parents". Your church should be closed down and rot in hell!!

I dont expect a reply from chicken shits like you, but keep in mind, My children LOVE their parents and Jesus at the same time.


People like you crack me up. You are what's wrong with this country. Just try to stop me from coming to your website to get a good laugh at your latest sick antics.

Fuck George W. Bush (May he die and rot) and fuck you too, you racist, sexist, rapist supporting, child molesting, GW cocksucking Republican Cretin!

Please oh please feel free to respond to this message. I would just love some bullshit propaganda sent from you to me so I can post it on the forums I frequent so friends of mine can have a laugh at you.

Glory to Boognish.

My name is Nate Dubay

Nate Snake [godnatesatan@yahoo.com]

I will be praying that your eyes are truly opened one day to the real gospel. There is a hell and it is hot.

H&A Duncan

So unsaved people are not welcomed in your fellowship Sounds like a cult to me

David Wagner

You guys are insane and I am ashamed that I took the time out to view your site. Come on, are you guys for real? I mean, you talk about the way women should dress, but then you have thongs for sale on your website? And the profanity! God doesn't like profanity. If you read the Bible you'd know that. It says that anyone who accepts Christ as their lord and savior will go to Heaven. I will be there, will you guys?


I'm sorry for your web site. I have been a Baptist most of my adult life, and my son ran across your web site tonight. I dare say that your reckless website will do as much as just about anything to turn people OFF to becoming Christians. Unfortunately, you are so far off the mark. You have taken the grace of Christ and turned it into something hateful and legalistic. Sinners not welcome- come on- how is someone supposed to come to Christ? By your hating them? That will really turn them on the the cause for Christ. You need to hang above all your entrances when people come in "Sinners Only", and when they leave on the opposite side of the sign have "Servants Only". I hope and pray you come to the grace of Christ...

David Anderson

What in the world do you think you are doing? Claiming to be baptists, yet you are legalistic, stubborn pharisees. If you are wondering what in the world I am talking about, ask yourself this question: who is coming up with your rules? Humans or God. And if you say God, show to me exactly where it says not to dance, or any of your rediculous rules. Don't you know King David openly danced in front of his country folk. Another thing, if you state that unbelievers aren't welcome, where is the love of God? Or do you believe in a different God than I do who states the greatest command is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength, and soul and to love your neighbor as yourself!!! Our neighbors are all of those around us. John 3:16 says For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. We are to be like God, right? If God loved the world that much, shouldn't we also love the world? Hate the sin, not the sinner.

Good night hippocrits.


Eric Snodgrass

I have read your most recent posting of the transcript discussing Jesus' heritage. I must say Im appalled. Heritage aside, Im amazed that the board can call themselves saved. Saved from what? racism, self grandiosity, self righteousness, close mindedness? Im going to choose to not let your small minds affect my peace that I have in Jesus, but the bottom line is this. Jesus comes from an African populated country. If you choose to believe the media and all the old movies you see on television like Charleston Heston as Moses and Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra, feel free. If you have any culture and have been to other countries you will see pictures of a brown skinned Jesus. The BIBLE by the way does describe Jesus and it states that he has hair of wool and skin of bronze. Unless he had just gotten back from Holiday in Florida, Id say he has some black in him. What would Jesus think about your regard for his people? Holly E. Sharp Very concerned about the state of our churches

Holly Sharp

You have enabled a community of ignorant sheep, dependant on only the wisdom that you feed to their unwitting consciousness. I came upon your "church' website by happenstance, and I am utterly horrified by the depravity I read about. You and your congregants are delusional, sadistic, and completely clueless about most of the material I read in your archives. I have been a Christian all my life, raised in a wonderful Baptist church, participated in countless Bible studies and other activities, including Youth Leadership. In all my years, I have never encountered any doctrine to support things like the Holy Ghost inducing a grandfather to electrocute a young boy's genitals because he saw a movie, or a woman to slaughter her entire family and set her house on fire because they were watching American Idol (while the show is unfortunately titled, it does not portray any of its contestants as gods of any sort, and I know that My God loves them as He does all His children, and He does not wish to smite them, nor does He imbue anyone to smite on His behalf an entire family for watching them - that I firmly believe, and to endorse such an action is to deepen one of Satan's strongholds on cult-susceptible populations such as yours).

Jesus instructed during His time on Earth that all people are to be "fishers of men." To catch fish, you must use bait that makes them draw near to your hook - your open and flagrant animosity to the unsaved is repellant, not bait, and if you are not trying to "catch fish," as it were, you are in direct violation - really, blatant disobediance - of God's clearly outlined purposed for those who have accepted His promise of salvation. To deny that direction is purely disgusting in itself, but you appear to proudly proclaim that it is your direct intention to keep those who have not learned better away from the Love and Light of the Lord. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

You tell bald-faced lies, such as in the review of the movie Dinosaur, which you claim is about "a young dinosaur who is continually seeking ever-greater sexual thrills through multiple partners, not caring whether its sexual perversion is carried out with a male or female dinosaur, and that is intentional. It just wants to commit unnatural acts. We don't even know if the main character is a male or female, yet another instance of the liberal Hollywood elites attempting to destroy family values by blurring the God-ordained line between the sexes." I don't know if your reviewer just made up a plot, knowing that none of the readers would know the difference since they watch only FOX news and read only the Landover Newsletters, or if he/she just decided to flat out lie about it, but in either case you are practicing deceit, and if you feel the necessity to do it for even such small reasons, I feel sick about the level of delusion that the people of Landover Baptist must experience. I have to wonder if anyone their has ever come to any real understanding of anything, that wasn't force-fed to them from day one. People out here in the real world call that brain washing. Dinosaur is about a fish out of water, trying to find where he belongs while separated from his own kind, and being fortunate enough to make friends with others who see his inner beauty. From a Christian perspective, it has a beautiful sentiment of platonic love for another being. This story could easily be applied to human characters, but using dinosaurs and monkeys is merely a vehicle to give it a different spin because it already HAS been done with human characters, time and time again. There is nothing phallic about it, not even the shape of the egg (the shape of the egg is taken from fossilized evidence - not the kind of manufactured evidence generated by Dr. Edwards' Creation Science Labs). While it's relevance to creationist history can be called into question, you need to keep your attacks on media focused on the legitimate grievances, or your credibility is shattered. Of course, if the only credibility you need to maintain is with a population that has been conditioned to swallow your lies like a spoonful of sugar, I supposed legitimacy is of little concern to you.

Speaking of little concern, context seems to be completely lot on you. Your scathing review of Return of The King was laughably ignorant, and one would think that persons responsible for showing a film to a congregation, and for writing/publishing articles on it would do a little research before risking the destruction of a five-million dollar theatre at the hands of enraged congregants (although, in any case, thier reaction was appalling). Had anyone bothered to Google "return of the king" you would have litany of resources at your fingertips describing exactly what it was - the last installment of a three-part book entitled "The Lord Of The Rings," its three parts being "The Fellowship of the Ring," "The Two Towers," and finally, "The Return of the King." This book was written by renowned author J.R.R. Tolkien as a follow-up to The Hobbit, and was first published in 1956. It has since been republished in countless edition and formats since then, and has become one of the most loved and treasured books of all time, the world over. Tolkien himself was a devout Christian, and ingrained His faith into the story. December of 2001 marked the release of the first film, The Fellowship of the Ring, with The Two Towers following one year later, and as you know, The Return of The King premiering this past December. Had you seen the first two films, you would have known the the Ring was a device created by the Dark Lord Sauron (yes, Dark Lord) to contain his power, and that the King was Aragorn, the heir of Isildor, who was King of Gondor before Sauron began to plunge the world into darkness. Since no heir came forward, Gondor had no king until Aragorn came forward - hence the return of the king. Sauron is NOT the portrayal of God in this story, he is the most powerful of Satan's demons, if not Satan himself. The Hobbits, the Dwarves, the Elves, and the Men were all working together in an epic battle against Sauron and his armies of Orcs and Urukai (demons), to defeat Evil. Destroying the Ring was paramount to the success of this battle, and was not an act against God, but against Satan. The slightest bit of research would have told you all of this, and as you are in a position of leadership and teaching, research is necessary, and it is neglegent on your part not to have done it. Or perhaps you did, but you want your community to believe that anything made outside of it is completely evil. Is that how you maintain control?

I had better stop there, because if I start getting into the horriffic articles on racism, home monitoring and such, I may never stop. You are all deceived, and if I were to judge by the fines you impose and the ridiculous church-operated facilities on your campus (breast augmentation center?), I would have to say that Landover Baptist is little more than an ignorant, money-hungry corporation bent on control at all costs, emphasising religion as rules with no real relationship with God. I suppose "Freehold" is the perfect place for you, as you fool people into thinking they have freedom while keeping a choking hold on what they are allowed to know and understand. One thing I can ferverntly say is that I profoundly thank the Lord that I was not born there!

I will pray sincerely for the souls of your people, that at least one of them questions the sick isolation of Landover and manages to recover enough to find the true joy of knowing God and living in His light. Much of your doctrine is quoted from the Old Testament, but the New Testament created a New Covenant which negates much of the Old. You must know that. Before God sent Jesus to Earth, Salvation DID have to be earned, so the rules were different, but once Jesus became "the Way, the Truth, and the Life (no one comes to the Father except through Me)," most of the Old ways no longer apply. You are confusing faiths if you fully employ them both. Please pray for guidance for your soul and the souls of your flock, because you have all been seriously led astray.


Kelly K

You're a bunch of bribers to get teens to become christians. That is WRONG!!!

Jonathan Martin

Land Over Baptist,

After reading through your web-site, I got the distinct impression that your organization is very racist and only white people can truly be saved. Now, if that is Land Over Baptist's logic, I have a question. Jesus and the other people of the bible were mainly of Jewish descent. That would be mean that they weren't white; they were Middle Eastern or even African because there was a lot of tribal mixing in Biblical times. Obviously Jesus and his Disciples went to heaven and "had souls" and were not white.

Also, I read the Women Probably Don't Have Souls section. Is it your belief that Woman, like "Coloreds" don't have souls and will not go to Heaven? Following that thought than even Mary, the mother of God did not have a soul.

Your web-site seems to be very hate filled and very anti-God's love and message that is found in the bible. Taken parts of the Bible and twisted to message to say what Land Over Baptist wants it to say, omitting part that don't flow with your philosophies as well.

I am just trying to make sure that I've got the "message" that this web-site is trying to get across to it's readers.

I appreciate your time,


wow, i went to whitehouse.org to find out what left wing nuts have been in the white house... and then i see your playstation2 link... being a 21yr old male, i was wondering how a free ps2 would look in my room, so i hit the link. to my surprise, i found the opposit of why i was at the site in the first place... RIGHT-WING CHRISTAIN FUNDAMENTALISTS.... you are fuckin sick bud... i was born, baptized, and raised catholic, 15 or my 21 years where spent in catholic school... you are preaching to scare people, you say god (no capital g needed) preaches forgiveness, and he gave us the right to make choices, but if you're a fag, then you're going to hell... well sorry dude, thats a contradiction. about taking your parents credit card, does not the commandments say, "honour thy mother and father" well going through there purse or wallet is a big no-no where i come from left-wing canada, where fags, or should i say friends, uncles, neighboughs, and BROTHERS can marry, and celebrate life for all it is worth... realize you are wrong, and thats your first step into survival... oh, im very well informed of the Catholic system, so if this isnt a bott, then please reply, and let me mop the floor with your sick right wing values

-eat it mother fucker

-Greg Thompson

Hello to whoever is reading my email and thank you for your time... First and foremost I would like to start this email off by telling you that normally,I would say "to each his own", and would see no problem in someone expressing (within legal boundaries) any factual or opinionated statements of their choosing on the Web. However, I do object to people who are arrogant enough to post their opinions and then claim them as facts. To take your personal interpretations of the Bible, current events, and pop culture and post them on your church's site is one thing. But to label any person who does not share your beliefs an "unsaved moron" is wrong in every sense of the word. (Aside from the moral repercussions, that particular insult doesn't even make sense. Being as anyone surfing the web is obviously very much alive, they therefore cannot be considered saved or unsaved quite yet. Salvation or damnation is determined only at the time of one's death, by the Lord himself.) Anyhow, here is one thing in particular that bothered me. When I read the review of the movie "Elf" I started to laugh hysterically until i realised that it was fully intended to be serious..then, I was just incredulous. Who do you think you are, making statements such as "this is the sort of thing that makes Jesus want to vomit"... I know your congregation shares strong convictions about homosexuality, etc. But, come on!! Anyone with the slightest bit of intelligence could see that this movie was in no way intended to promote homosexuality. You jumped to this conclusion this simply because Will Ferrell's character is outfitted in tights!!!! In this movie, the sight of grown man wearing tights is simply intended to be comical. This is due to the fact that no straight, male product of our society would be seen in an outfit like that, specifically because of the social stigma attached; the fear of being seen as "gay". The fact that Will's character Buddy goes to the city wearing tights is, ironically, supposed to indicate his childlike innocence in regards to our culture's strict social norms, hence the entire premise of the movie!!! Of course, a conservative homophobe wouldnt be able to look past his ignorance and consider the costumes' actual comic purpose. Someone like that wouldn't even bother thinking at all, but would instead look at the costume and decide: man in tights=gay propaganda!!!!. (I personally would like to think that if Jesus Himself was among us on earth today,he would be much more intelligent than whoever wrote this insanely moronic review) Anyway, regardless of your opinion of this (or any other) movie, my point is: You may claim to know Jesus in a spiritual sense, which is understandable, but you didn't know Jesus personally any more that i did, so how can you assume to know how He would have felt about something as trivial as a children's movie?? Unless something is specifically quoted in the Bible as Jesus' word on this subject, which I highly doubt, you cannot even claim to know what he WOULD HAVE thought because if you did....Wouldn't that be considered blasphemy according to your own beliefs? Unless of course you would choose to deny this. To willfully continue to abuse the Bible and twist it's verse around to fit your own ridiculous ultraconservative purposes is something that a true Christian would never do. And since you won't agree with this email I'm sure you and your congregation will be quick to label me an "unsaved moron" Well, go ahead..call me what you will but according to the Bible, when Judgment Day comes it will be Jesus who ultimately decides my fate, not you and your church full of "good Christians." Also on a more serious note, I also looked over the Bible quizzes and I was wondering: What kind of Christian would say of a two year old girl who had died in a drunk driving accident: "she's being sodomized by the Devil " just because at her time of death she was too young to understand and accept Jesus?? That is the most thoroughly unchristian and offensive statement I have ever had the misfortune of reading. I'm sorry that your closed-mindedness and one sided interpretation of the Bible has led you to this level of unapologetic stupidity.. Correct me if I'm wrong but..didn't Jesus himself say that ALL children are the lambs of God?? Besides, once again there's also the fact that there is no mention of these particular special circumstances anywhere in the Bible. So according to your very own set of Christian beliefs, to assume that Jesus would condone such a small and innocent child being thrown into the lake of fire simply because of her young age is not only blasphemous but also ignorant and ridiculous..Anyone who would continue to believe this while claiming to be a good Christian is a complete hypocrite and should be ashamed of themselves. Such a disgusting, literally "holier than thou" attitude that will never earn anyone a ticket to heaven...And NO... I am in no way mocking Jesus. On the contrary. I'm ridiculing your interpretation of Jesus' message, which was in reality, one of love and compassion. In conclusion: To all the mindless rednecks who will inevitably condemn me simply for my differences in opinion on these matters...try holding your breath for three days*. Then when you die, may YOU burn in hell just like the fictional little girl from your quiz...



P.S....I love the way you people set up an online store selling "What Would Jesus Do?" thongs in Juniors sizes...way to cheapen and commercialize the word of the Lord guys...keep it up lol i hope you make a lot of money

* Bible fact Quiz, (Jonah 1.17)