Archive by Subject

Subject Archive:  CREATION SCIENCE

The Sarah Palin Center for the Advancement of Creation Science Research and NRA Retreat FacilityUpdate:
Landover Baptist is proud to announce that Jesus ordered us to rename our 100-year old facility,
The Landover Baptist Center for Creation Studies, to The Sarah Palin Center for the Advancement of Creation Science Research.  "Mrs. Palin shares our belief that the world was created by Jesus' Daddy, Poppa-God, in six days but has been here for 6,000 years. That alone is enough to ensure she has the vote of every single member of this church and no doubt the vote of every True Christian™ American," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "If you couple all of this with her Evangelical Republican zeal, her savvy new spin on traditional family values, and well kept knees, it is enough to give REAL fundamentalists like me great hope that she will lead America backwards to the wonderful Christian principles upon which our Nation was founded. Praise God!"

Per Mrs. Palin's advice, the Center will also serve as a summer retreat facility for the National Rifle Association (and home for unwed mothers) in order to secure the Federal grants and taxpayers' dollars necessary to create a splendid Christian edifice.

The following articles will help you understand how your tax dollars will be spent as Sarah Palin guides us to effect that what the Lord most desires for His Country (America) over the next four years:

The Talking Snake Theory: Time to Replace Those Silly Books About Biology and Evolution With the Truth!
TReaders journey back 6,000 years ago in time to the actual date when God created the first two humans from a pile of dirt and a spare rib. It is a time and place that, despite...
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Science Doesn't Make a Lick of Cotton Pickin' Sense!
We don't know how He does it," said Landover Junior High School teacher, Mrs Doris Whitaker, "but Jesus changes the colors of the leaves on the trees during the Fall (a season named after the fall of man from...
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Creation Scientists To Search for Talking Snake Bones in Africa
"Unicorns, flying demons, 900-year-old people, talking donkeys, and Ezekiel's turbo charged chariot will all have to wait," he said. "We're going to prove one Bible story at a time here, and in order of historical occurrence....
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Creation Scientists to Harvest Geothermal Energy From Hell
Satan's multiple and powerful anuses (called volcanoes by secular scientists) shoot scalding hot sulfuric demon dung into the sky.  Is there a way to tap this energy...
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Creation Science Quiz
Creation Science exists to strengthen the faith of believers in Christ and to seriously challenge ignorant unsaved people to reconsider their...
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Evolution is NOT Natural! (Graphic Chart)
A graphical chart depicting both natural and unnatural evolution...
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Creation Scientists Prove: Circles are of Satan
The discovery that this once Godly Nation is full of Biblically incorrect circles was made last week in connection with the firing of five members of the mathematics department at Landover Baptist University...
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The Bible Doesn't Mention Any "Ice Age," So Shut Up About It!
None of this has been proven and the people at the Discovery Channel refuse to let accredited Creation Scientists examine their 'so-called' evidence. Now our innocent Christian children are watching...
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Cub Scout Discovers Ancient Bones of "Humongous Demon!"
While hiking earlier this week, Landover Baptist Cub Scout Troop 183 stumbled upon the partially buried remains of what troop leader Harold Miller called, "a humongous demon." Late Saturday afternoon on the old limestone...
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Perversions of Creation Science: Experimenting With Genesis 6:2
Edwards found that the doctor was conducting experiments on human subjects, trying to extract the remnants of Angel DNA from their shoulder bones with nothing more than a hack saw and a pair of...
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Donkeys Can Talk, People Can Fly, And a Man Named Jesus Lives Up in the Sky
In this book, secular children will be introduced to timeless True Christian beliefs that come directly out of the Scriptures and not from the hallucinations of some boat-riding, bird-watching, monkey-loving, lizard-humping, 19th-century liberal...
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The Bible Fact Quiz
The Bible is the final authority on everything. We cannot argue with any part of the Bible any more than we can argue with God himself! God has "laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed" (Psalm 119:4). If we disobey, we will surely...
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Why Do Chinese People Talk Funny?
We've got races of funny looking and sounding people on this planet because demons were running around, humping' humans back in...
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Full Blown Demon Possession Misdiagnosed as Epileptic Seizure by Unsaved Doctors
Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, who performed Mr. Kidwell's autopsy, told reporters that church policy did not require Baptist security officers to report any funny sounding secular diseases, that might...
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Create Your Own Bible Creatures: An Interactive Creation Science Kit 
A horse with a lion-head and a snake-butt may seem far-fetched to people who are not familiar with the Holy Bible, but scripture teaches us that such creatures exist...
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3,000 Horses That Refused to Believe God and Fly Are Now Dead
A closer study of the book of Revelation indicated that Creation Scientists had been drawing conclusions about flying horses from the wrong chapter. "We were studying chapter 6, when we...
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When Your Invisible Friend Tells You His Name is Jesus
Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards gives candid advice to True Christians® who have unsaved family members with invisible or so-called, "imaginary" friends. "When does a friend...
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Pre, Post, and Mid Umbilicism:  The Pressing Question of Adam's Navel
The very instant when Adam and Eve discovered they were naked in the Garden of Eden, they were granted belly-buttons. You see, at this point there were no natural births, they were the...
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Planet of the Apes: Hollywood Devolves and Peddles an Unnatural Selection
If you place a group of apes together in a room with a Steady Cam for what seems like an eternity, will they eventually create a movie? Apparently not. What they will throw together is a slap in the face...
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Happy 6,000th Birthday, Planet Earth!
A 244 foot Angel Food cake with 6,000 gold candles will showcase the Creation Day 2000 celebration. Real Christians from around...
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