Landover Baptist is proud to announce that Jesus ordered us to rename our 100-year
old facility, The Landover Baptist
Center for Creation Studies, to
The Sarah Palin Center for the
Advancement of Creation Science Research.
"Mrs. Palin shares our belief that the world was created by Jesus'
Daddy, Poppa-God, in six days but has been here for 6,000 years. That
alone is enough to ensure she has
the vote of every single member of this church and no doubt the vote of
every True Christian™ American," said Pastor Deacon
Fred. "If you couple all of this with her Evangelical
Republican zeal, her savvy new spin on traditional family values, and
well kept knees, it is enough to give REAL fundamentalists like me great
hope that she will lead America backwards to the wonderful Christian
principles upon which our Nation was founded. Praise God!"
Per Mrs. Palin's advice, the Center will also serve as a
summer retreat facility for the National Rifle Association (and home for
unwed mothers) in order to secure the Federal
grants and taxpayers' dollars necessary to create a splendid Christian
The following articles will
help you understand how your tax dollars will be spent as Sarah Palin
guides us to effect that what the Lord most desires for His Country
(America) over the next four years:
The Talking Snake Theory: Time to Replace Those
Silly Books About Biology and Evolution With the Truth!
Doesn't Make a Lick of Cotton Pickin' Sense!
TReaders journey back 6,000
years ago in time to the actual date when God created the first two
humans from a pile of dirt and a spare rib. It is a time and place that,
We don't know how He does
it," said Landover Junior High School teacher, Mrs Doris Whitaker,
"but Jesus changes the colors of the leaves on the trees during the
Fall (a season named after the fall of man from...
Scientists To Search for Talking Snake Bones in Africa
"Unicorns, flying demons,
900-year-old people, talking donkeys, and Ezekiel's turbo charged
chariot will all have to wait," he said. "We're going to prove
one Bible story at a time here, and in order of historical occurrence....
Scientists to Harvest Geothermal Energy From Hell
Satan's multiple and powerful
anuses (called volcanoes by secular scientists) shoot scalding hot
sulfuric demon dung into the sky. Is there a way to tap this
Creation Science exists to
strengthen the faith of believers in Christ and to seriously challenge
ignorant unsaved people to reconsider their...
Evolution is NOT Natural! (Graphic Chart)
A graphical chart depicting
both natural and unnatural evolution...
Scientists Prove: Circles are of Satan
The discovery that this once
Godly Nation is full of Biblically incorrect circles was made last week
in connection with the firing of five members of the mathematics
department at Landover Baptist University...
Bible Doesn't Mention Any "Ice Age," So Shut Up About It!
None of this has been proven
and the people at the Discovery Channel refuse to let accredited
Creation Scientists examine their 'so-called' evidence. Now our innocent
Christian children are watching...
Scout Discovers Ancient Bones of "Humongous Demon!"
While hiking earlier this week,
Landover Baptist Cub Scout Troop 183 stumbled upon the partially buried
remains of what troop leader Harold Miller called, "a humongous
demon." Late Saturday afternoon on the old limestone...
of Creation Science: Experimenting With Genesis 6:2
Edwards found that the doctor
was conducting experiments on human subjects, trying to extract the
remnants of Angel DNA from their shoulder bones with nothing more than a
hack saw and a pair of...
Can Talk, People Can Fly, And a Man Named Jesus Lives Up in the Sky
In this book, secular children
will be introduced to timeless True Christian beliefs that come directly
out of the Scriptures and not from the hallucinations of some
boat-riding, bird-watching, monkey-loving, lizard-humping, 19th-century
Bible Fact Quiz
The Bible is the final
authority on everything. We cannot argue with any part of the Bible any
more than we can argue with God himself! God has "laid down
precepts that are to be fully obeyed" (Psalm 119:4). If we disobey,
we will surely...
Do Chinese People Talk Funny?
We've got races of funny
looking and sounding people on this planet because demons were running
around, humping' humans back in...
Blown Demon Possession Misdiagnosed as Epileptic Seizure by Unsaved
Landover Baptist Creation
Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, who performed Mr. Kidwell's autopsy,
told reporters that church policy did not require Baptist security
officers to report any funny sounding secular diseases, that might...
Your Own Bible Creatures: An Interactive Creation Science Kit
A horse with a lion-head and a
snake-butt may seem far-fetched to people who are not familiar with the
Holy Bible, but scripture teaches us that such creatures exist...
Horses That Refused to Believe God and Fly Are Now Dead
A closer study of the book of
Revelation indicated that Creation Scientists had been drawing
conclusions about flying horses from the wrong chapter. "We were
studying chapter 6, when we...
Your Invisible Friend Tells You His Name is Jesus
Landover Baptist Creation
Jonathan Edwards gives candid advice to True Christians® who have
unsaved family members with invisible or so-called,
"imaginary" friends. "When does a friend...
Post, and Mid Umbilicism: The Pressing Question of Adam's Navel
The very instant when Adam and
Eve discovered they were naked in the Garden of Eden, they were granted
belly-buttons. You see, at this point there were no natural births, they
of the Apes: Hollywood Devolves and Peddles an Unnatural Selection
If you place a group of apes
together in a room with a Steady Cam for what seems like an eternity,
will they eventually create a movie? Apparently not. What they will
throw together is a slap in the face...
6,000th Birthday, Planet Earth!
A 244 foot
Angel Food cake with 6,000 gold candles will showcase the Creation Day
2000 celebration. Real Christians from around...