Don't Worry, Jesus Was Just Being Sarcastic When He Condemned Public Prayer!

THE NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER

While the rest of the Nation takes a day off to have a relaxing chat with Jesus in the comfort of their beds for 24-hours, we here at Landover Baptist put "works salvation" on hold for a whole week.  We shut down all of our ministries and require church members to take off work and school (using accrued vacation time) and pray loudly in a public place, including local restaurants so that everyone can see you for an entire week.  Baptist families under video surveillance who fail to comply with at least 8 hours of daily prayer will be fined accordingly. Fines have been raised from last year, so please click here if you still think you can afford to disobey the Lord   The following outreach ministries will be closed in observance of National Prayer Week so that folks can talk to Jesus about things instead of doing things that Jesus talked about:

In addition, AA Meetings are cancelled at all church facilities. The Landover Baptist Memorial Hospital will be open in the afternoons between 1:00 P.M. and 3:00 P.M.  If you have an emergency, try prayer!

National Prayer Week is held and publicly observed in order to commemorate and live out the words of Jesus Christ who taught us to pray in Matthew 6: 5-8:   

"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask Him."

Public prayer services will be announced by traditional trumpet and held hourly in the Freehold, Iowa town square. Prayer will be continuous over the Landover Baptist Broadcasting Network and all local cable access stations.  Children who attend public schools are asked to pray openly in their classrooms and their cafeterias in observance of this Godly week.  In addition, church families are asked to keep all closet doors in their homes ajar in accordance with scripture in order to show that we acknowledge fully our complete understanding of when Jesus was just being sarcastic.

Evening Prayer Parades for those who cannot make the evening bus trips to Des Moines for street corner prayers will be held between 7:00 P.M. and 8:00 P.M. 

Some Platinum Tithers have been invited to attend the National Prayer Breakfast with President Bush on Thursday in Washington DC, so they are excused from all local events.  The Prayer Breakfast will be televised at the four Cracker Barrel restaurants in town, so you are welcome to eat there for breakfast and join church members in a grand showing of public prayer on an unprecedented scale, to the Glory of God!

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