Local News 2002

Subject Archive:  LOCAL FREEHOLD, IOWA NEWS (2002)

3,000 Horses That Refused to Believe God and Fly Are Now Dead

The Bible holds a vital clue as to the time of Christ's return. It is right around the same time when horses will fly. "The time described in Revelation, Chapter 6 might be this afternoon, so most True Christians® are worried about horses having....
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Pastor's Gun Misfires During Sermon
At a standing-room-only service yesterday morning, an earsplitting shotgun blast caused an 18-foot glass-covered oil painting of the Lord Jesus to break free of its moorings. The 300-pound painting, which was suspended 40 feet over the....
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The Sunday Morning Hair Salon!
When it comes to Sunday Morning, everything starts with style says Sister Taffy.  Every decent Christian (Baptist) woman knows that beauty is never found in the eyes of the beholder but only in the Eyes of God.  Unfortunately there are some women, hard as...
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$2.5 Billion In Christian Funds Secured to Develop, "Salvation City!"
Construction has already begun on Salvation City's own Christian outlet mall, 3 18-hole PGA-certified golf courses, 4 new chapels with stadium seating and luxury skyboxes, the first Christian NASCAR racetrack, private jet airport, 4 luxury hotels, 2 hospitals...
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900 Pound Pastor Preaches From Bed!
"He knows a sinner and is not afraid to point his finger right in that person's face and tell him that his life is a mess!" Pastor Deacon Fred noted, "This Godly man is the ultimate living manifestation of the True American Christian lifestyle....
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The Golden Plate Christian Casino & Resort:  A Landover Baptist Property
“This whole thing is just a great opportunity for vacationing Christians to give a little bit back to Jesus and have a whole heck of a lot of fun doing it,” laughs Pastor Deacon Fred, the religious genius behind the concept. “What unsaved...
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Response to New York Times Ad Throws Landover Baptist Church Offline!
Within an hour of those newspapers leaving their respective presses, millions of Mary-Worshipers logged onto our church's website to avail themselves of our "Catholic Catamite Hotline" and qualify for free stun-guns and vials of ...
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The Jr. High Gun-Point Salvation Retreat!
Download your child's permission slip online in PDF format, sign it - and get it to the Youth Director as quickly as possible....
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Back to School Witnessing Tips For True Christian Students
It's that time of the year again!  True Christian® young people who don't have enough money to attend Landover Baptist Academy for the Truly Saved will be storming secular schools across the Nation!  Here are some great tips for fighting Satan on his...
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Thanksgiving: A Wonderful Day to Tell Local Injuns About Jesus!
No group of people in the United States is more qualified to comment on the savage nature of American Injuns than the members of the Landover Baptist Church. Having arrived in the country that God ordained for us in the year 1612, many members...
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Halloween Tips For Holyweeners!
Wait for unsaved children to come to your door and hurl a bucket full of warm lamb's blood (goat or dog blood can be substituted later in the night if you run out) all over their hair and faces. Shout -  "I plead the power of the Blood of the Perfect Lamb...
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