Homeowners Association Emulates the Lord, Destroying All That Displeases
The Michael Robert Herron
family returned from last Wednesday’s evening services to find they no
longer had a house. To
their consternation and amazement, when they...
of Health & Human Services Shuts Down Landover Baptist Hell House
A Public Notice
announcing the immediate closure of the Landover Baptist 2003 Hell House
Ministry In Freehold, Iowa, Until Further Investigation...
Opens Fire in Lingerie Section of Local Wal-Mart
"By the time I caught up
with him," said Brother Hardwick, "he had destroyed two
complete rows of children's toys. I just saw him at the end of the
aisle, stomping on some Veggie Tales vibrating cucumbers and yelling out
something about Satan...
Evaluation Committee Expels 21 Church Officials
While overall expulsions are on
the decline, this year’s audit resulted in termination of the largest
number of deacons and Sunday school teachers ever expelled in a single
calendar year. The
following list of expelled instructors (and their expelled families) is
Witch Expelled Before Cheering Congregation of 25,000!
When Pastor got to row RR he
stopped to face the widow, Mrs. Newberry and her passel of six, quiet
children. "The Holy
Spirit is mighty curious this morning, my friends!" Pastor told the...
Elementary Redeems 50 Sudanese Slaves, Turns a Handy Profit
experience of caring for a slave has helped the children in unexpected
ways. "Most children forget to feed or walk their slave once or
twice at most before they learn their lesson," said Mrs. Cole,
mother of 10-year-old Reagan...
Blown Demon Possession Misdiagnosed as Epileptic Seizure by Unsaved
in Grandpa Kidwell's case, his flailing body and violent fit during
Pastor's sermon, was like Satan just begging to get whacked over the
head and pelted with Bibles." Dr. Edwards cut a hole in Mr.
Kidwell's stomach and drained...
Available For Purchase at Annual Household Help Auction
This year's auction of
minorities willing to pick vegetables, shingle roofs and perform
pedicures on the obese has been postponed until July 6th so that Arabs
can be rounded up and included in the merchandise
Kids, Pack Your Guns! It's Time For Vacation Bible Camp!
skits, and evening super surprise game
competitions where children use tranquilizer guns to hunt unsaved
homeless people who are dropped into the mountains by helicopter....
Let Those Feather Headed Pilgrim Killers Ruin Your Christian
As Thanksgiving time draws
near, much like our Puritan ancestors, the hearts and minds of Landover
Baptist Church members are once again filled with worries about what the
irascible, drunk rabble of local bottom-baring Injuns will think up to
Possessed Baby Bites Off Pastor's Thumb During Baptism
Little Randy Clifton, age 2,
and chock full of demons to boot, was handed over to be dunked for Jesus
during the 9 A.M. service after his parents saw him nodding his head and
saying, "mmm hmm" during Pastor's...