Movie Review

The Latest Product Line From Landover Baptist

George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

60 Second Sermons

Expert Christian Advice

Worst Ever President Products

Accept Christ and Get a Free Playstation2

King Kong: Bestiality Is Booming At the Box Office!

Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion."    - Leviticus 18:23

Movie Review by Pastor Deacon Fred - 11 AM Service

Freehold, Iowa - Some of you present here today are old enough to remember when Pastor Deacon Brooks was standing in this same pulpit nearly 71 years ago talking about a movie called "King Kong," and how it rhymed with "Dong," which was a buzzword in the homosexual community for "male genitalia," back in the 1930's. Well, Pastor Brooks didn't stop there, and I'm not going to stop either! He warned the congregation about the approaching cloud of decadence in a far away land called, "California." He spoke out against the movie, "King Kong," and tried to wake up those ignorant Americans who were too blind from masturbating to see that a movie about bestiality on a grand scale was being unleashed in theaters across our Christian country!

His words ring true today, as Christian Americans are faced again with crisis after crisis. If it isn't the witchcraft being taught in the Harry Potter movie, it is bound to be something else! The rampant allusions to sodomy in the movie, Elf. The perverted pedophilia in the Rug Rats Cartoons, the overt sexuality in Toy Story II, and yes - even the shocking theme of gay marriage woven throughout the animation of Finding Nemo. Well, it is our duty as Christians to stand up against the smut being hurled at us from Hollywood. And I am not going to stand here and ruin our Godly reputation by ignoring a movie about a giant ape who wants nothing more than to place his hairy business betwixt the soft loins of a female human, and split her right in half! Amen? Shame on you Mr. Director, Peter Jackson! May God's judgment fall upon you for dragging out this sick film again, and I pray that you receive great suffering at the hands of Jesus Christ in the fires of Hell for having the outright audacity to glorify the sin of bestiality on such a grand scale!

We were deceived by your Lord of the Rings movies, Mr. Jackson! But we're not going to stand by and let it happen again. Bestiality films are not allowed to be shown in public theaters around Freehold, Iowa - so Mr. Peter Jackson is going to have to find another town where he can peddle his smut. I reiterate the words of Pastor Deacon Brooks before me, and I'm here to say "NO!" on behalf of every single Bible believing Christian in America! I grant each member of this congregation the deputized powers of the Holy Ghost! It is your sworn duty - your Christian obligation to block this movie from release and prevent unsaved people from seeing it. By the powers granted me by the Lord Jesus Christ, I give you the authority to chain yourselves to theater doors, block entrances to bookstores, zoos, safari's, and anything else with a damned monkey in it!

This movie has me and Jesus so upset that I think we're going to run down to the local zoo and shoot up all the chimps! That might even stop them biologists in Des Moines from researching evolution! I know one thing for sure - you'd better get rid of the monkeys and apes, or at least keep them out sight - for mark my words! There will be a plague of man-beast sexual relations unleashed upon this country with such swiftness, it will make the Devil's head spin!

Look how far we've come as a nation! Don't let the lewdness and immorality brought on by the release of this film in the 1930's return to corrupt our Godly country. I am meeting with President Bush at the National Prayer Breakfast in a couple of weeks, and I will make sure this film is brought to his attention. Peter Jackson won't be laughing in that sinister and smug foreign cackle of his when President Bush refuses to grant him permission to come ashore. And why wouldn't he? We don't welcome pedophile directors in God's country, so why should we welcome bestialitators?







Copyright 2005, Americhrist Ltd. All rights reserved. Terms of Service
The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18