September 2008

The Latest Product Line From Landover Baptist

Accept Christ and Get a Free Playstation2

Letters To Landover: "Pastor's Mailbag"

A Small Sample of e-mails unedited and in original form

I believe that your site is pure blasphemy i hope that the God damn you for you lies you preach to innocent impressionable children and local idiots like your self, inbreed scum, you should cut out your tongue and remove you tainted site from the net and remove your mail order position of perching your Twisted Version of the bible, you Racist inbred Sub-human Homophobic Retarded Blaspheming Scamming Nazis. Britain defeated your lord Hitler in the last world war. it saddens me to know you are human, eat shit and die clanner.

Ben herr []

First word that comes to my mind, SACRILAGE!!! To take the Holy Word Of God and edit it( Editing the Bible for your children)? Burn books? who are you people? Offspring of the Third Reich? And you have the right to omit anyone from your church, but did'n Jesus actually dine stay and walk with sinners in the belief that if they were not introduced to the Word of God that they would not be converted and go to Heaven? Since childhood, I have wanted and have gone by myself to church. I have also been fored to go to a Southern Baptist church whereupon I was subjected to being brainwashed. Again SACRILAGE! To force beliefs on someone is against God's will. To read and believe in God and His ultimate plan is wonderful. All should be welcomed in His House, and any church worth it's mettle is GOD'S HOUSE, not any person or organizations, BUT GOD'S! I am glad I live in America, where people like you can worship like you want, and I can choose the church that suits me, a sinner by God's words, for no one is sinless except Jesus, that is waht the Bible says He died for our sins, but until that fateful judgement day when He will be the supreme Judge, no one, not even you Rev. has the right to judge others until you have been judged, and since judgement day has not come yet, and you certainly are not Jesus or God, I see that you are just as much a sinner as anyone else. Is not there a saying about people who live in glass houses throwing rocks? Take heed Rev. The fires of hell burn hot, and well meaning so called Christians have stoked the fires for many centuries.

Bitman Cantrell

You people must have shit and worms on your brains! The volleyball post is the most ridicullous thing i´ve ever read! You should be doing something productive instead of talking bullshit like that. Get a life people!

Romel Goncalves

First of all, it seems like you have a narcistic personality disorder. If you have a hard time understanding the concept, look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I am nothing more than an attention craving lunatic, and I need to be locked up NOW!!!!"

You are nobody. You are nothing more than a speck of dust that so badly needs to be wiped up. Honestly, I thought the church of christ would be the ones to start something like this, but now I'm proven wrong. I've looked through your site and your forum. On the website, you sound like a raving lunatic, but on the forum, OMFG I can't stop laughing. You people are so stupid beyond comparision. I would love to see you all burst into flames. Sadly, I can't be the one to do it.

I'm a woman, and I do have a soul. To you, it would be something like "dark as the eye can see" or whatever. To me, it's just a simple soul. I do good things everyday, things you won't hear of.

Wiccans are not "generally overweight and of pale complexion". Stereotyping is the worst thing you can do in this day and age.

"Wiccans are under a contract to wear black with satan." So not true. No one "makes" any "contract" with satan to "wear black". "Some wiccans even wear black underwear." Not true. Black underwear usually means something sexy and appealling.

"It is a well-known fact that Wiccans only bathe once a month, as such; they have a distinctively unpleasant odor they try to hide by wearing perfumes like patchouli or wolf’s bane." Really? Where do you get this load of crap? What are your sources?

"Wiccans usually bring home better grades at school than most of their peers. This is not because they are more intelligent, but rather because they cheat by casting spells and hexes on their teachers. Their master (Satan) is also highly adept at moving their pudgy little fingers in the right direction on a test paper. It is also important to note here that if a Wiccan is sober enough to vote, it will always be for a Democrat. The word "democrat" is closely associated with the word, "demon." Most True Christians® commonly refer to Democrats as "Demoncrats" and already keep a firearm handy during election time, so this information might be redundant for some." I made good grades, and I'm not a wiccan. I was told that my IQ actually above normal. Did you feel worthless as everyone else passed their class while you were too stupid to understand your work? Next, you'll be saying that teachers are demons. I'm sure the IRS would love to see those last few sentences. The separation of church and state is just that. You are supposed to keep politics out of it. To hold a political debate in a church might take your tax-free church away (since you are being political in your church, after all). All of your funding might go towards bail soon. I'll be giving them a head's up.

"Most Wiccans congregate in groups that prey on loners. They are generally a quiet lot because they are constantly thinking about new ways to kidnap True Christian® children and drain their bodies of blood." Where do you keep coming up with this load of crap? I doubt this has ever happened.

"It's a preference of blade over gun because a good part of their satanic ritual includes a precise cutting of Christian flesh into bite-size Jesus steaks that are oftentimes smoked and cured into what Wiccans jokingly call, "Jesus Jerky." These fat little demons get a real hellish kick out of sitting around their school lunch table, nibbling on Christian flesh while classmates look on unaware." Whoa, what? My god, it's all coming clearer to me. You are psychotic. I sat at the lunch table with a few wiccans, and none of them revert to cannibalism. Now that's just the crazy in you talking to people gullible enough to believe this load of bs. I have never seen such stupidity in all my life. Really, this takes the cake.

"Wiccans are also known to tear out pages from the Bible (especially pages that have red writing on them). They use them to roll marijuana cigarettes into something they refer to as 'a joint.' " Also called a "pot smoker". A lot of wiccans don't smoke pot.

"Most coven leaders are either Catholic priests or tattoo parlor owners." Wow, and I just thought they tattooed people. I didn't know that was just a front *sarcastically rolls eyes*.

"Most Wiccans will tell you that they don't believe in Satan. Ha! True Christians® know you don't have to believe in Satan to follow him." I honestly didn't know you didn't have to believe in something in order to follow it. Maybe I'm just talking here as I waste my time insulting you, but someone needs to tell you that your assumptions are all wrong.

"You'd think that by drinking all that Christian blood they would know something was amiss!" As I've said, wiccans don't drink blood. If they did, I wouldn't worry about you. Your blood would probably taste really nasty. You know, the kind of nasty that lingers in your mouth and throat for days? Yeah....sounds like you.

Honestly, you are one attention-starved, raving lunatic. Really, let go of your mama's apron strings, and quit sheltering yourself with your "church". Percieving yourself as an idol is actually a sin. You also show signs of covetting intelligent and/or beautiful people. Poor you just couldn't get laid, and you were stupid as a child. You have issues. I recommend that you check into an asylum asap. I don't have a problem with churches in general, but I do have a problem with YOUR church specifically.

I'm sorry to say but after your article on The Golden Compass and what it teaches children I am afraid for what you teach children. It is sad to think that a child would not be welcome in your church if he/she was born out of self righteous pricks. You don't worship God you worship yourselves. You're pathetic excuses for human beings! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

Personally -

-I have been married to the same woman for 34 years --never cheated on her --and never had sex with other people before marriage either so from what your pastor says I've been defiled by woman ??

Or isn't it much MORE likely that your pastor is nuts ?

Jon Bird

Burnaby BC Canada

God will NOT be mocked! He knows what you are doing and you will be judged by HIM on judgment day! May he have mercy on your souls!

John Annabelle

Get a grip father! The problem is not volleyball. It is the ignorance of the children's parents that should concern you! It annoys me to think that everyone is so fast to blame something or someone else for their own lack of judgment, ability or education!

On the left side of your home page is a link saying to worship our Godly Ruler and linking to the whitehouse with Bush. Well here is a cause for concern as well. Perhaps the ignorance of your followers is directly related to your own ignorance!

The simple fact that your title on the page says "UNSAVED ARE NOT WELCOME". What kind of church are you anyway? I thank God I was saved by a church that cares, not one who is self centered and arrogant!


Hello! I just read your page about republican children saying the darnedest things about Barack Obama and found it very entertaining! I agree with pastor Deacon Fred that Christian parents are still raising their kids with traditional values and that leads to the comments the kids gave. Not that those values are Christian, because they're not. They're clearly traditional values of racism and hatred, NOT Christian values at all. My favorite was this one:

"What's a half-breeded nappity headed negroid comanist snoffabeach?" Gillian Thomas, Age 5, Home Schooled

That's traditional Christian values to you? I call it racism and hatred and the fact that he's home schooled tells you why. His parents are racists. You all are certainly going to hell if you believe this is Christian values. Enjoy the BBQ!

Mark Gunson

My husband and I were having a conversation about pets and the Word! We started researching the internet and we stumbled onto this letter. I know that the Lord loves ALL of His Creations! yes we are a chain and we do eat animals. He created EVERYTHING with us His Children in mind.... That means that our hearts are NOT to be broken by the fact that we love our pets. Although I have read your beliefs and articles and agree with you on all issues wholehardedly, the line here that you said to an eight year old CHILD about Chinese people is just CRAZY!!!!!!!! I would love to know what childhood experience gave you the right to BREAK A CHILDS HEART! And how do you think that the King, Our Father is smiling on you now! There is no way you are a Pastor!

In God all things are Possible!
Even letting poor Timothy pet his precious little pet dog Scruffy in Heaven! You deluded, ignorant morons!

In Christ's Love,

Shelby Mathes
you guys are horrible...

god can suck my dick and so can you...

this website is unreal...

every other form of christianity was based on catholicism anyways...your all fucking idiots.

PJ Ronan

I do not know who you people think you are, but you are sick and judgmental – God and Jesus would not condone your comments for one second. God accepts all and forgives all. How dare you accuse all Catholics to be pedophiles! I am not Catholic, but I do know that not every Catholic is a pedophile and not every bishop or pope is pedophile. You Baptists out to do more research into your facts. It is a travesty that religions so closely related can not respect and support others. After all, we do understand that there is only one God, regardless of your background. Even the Muslim and Hebrew religions recognize that God is one. Baptists are not alone in that understanding. For you Mr. Fred to blasphemy another religion is to put you in the category of Jim Jones and Waco, Texas. I sincerely hope your followers do not follow in the footsteps of the prior mentioned men who thought they were better than or comparable to Lord. My heart goes out to you and to those that follow you.

Ranae Wonnacott

I must say, Your website and beliefs make me sick! you quote the bible, and say how people are horrible. If you are so perfect let me see you walk on water! I am a pastor, and I remember that if you ask to be forgiven your sins and ask to be saved and truley repent you will be saved! I also must say he who is with out sin may cast the first stone, and you are throwing many stones... are you truley worthy to be teaching people about god? I must forgive you but I do not have to agree with you! Honestly it is people like you that are hurting the church these days! I read you say breast feeding is evil! I must ask you where is this in the bible? how do you think women fed their babies when jesus was born? If god created us and we were made in his image, why would he create women to give milk if it were not meant for the child! Are you saying god made a mistake? I would have alot of fun teaching people in your church how wrong you are, and why they need to come to my church! to be pure of heart, to be a true follower, to believe people are given free will, and with that mistakes will be made, but the father the son and the holy ghost are on your side, if you make a mistake repent... ask for forgiveness and it will be given... as for your halloween views, if you go back in history halloween was actually created be the christians yes on November the 1st to pay tribute to those marytrs for christ... the ones that were killed because of their beliefs! Yes this was done to take away from the all hallows eve ... that was a celebration of the celtics and other in the region... But if you believe that angels can walk on this earth then demons can walk this earth just as easy!... in my opinion look at the king of lies Obama! he is not a true christian, he is a muslim that goes to church for political reasons, it is funny that it is backfiring on him. He is not a good man. yet it seems you support him.... good luck with that! Anyways, those that read from God's book for personal gain, other than to spread the word, will find themselves in hell.... so keep your sunblock close at hand sinner! You preach falsely, and god will give you a chance to repent.... but if you keep preaching like this you are not a true believer! just an actor!

Your true believer,
Rev. Robert Green

I can't believe you allow this stuff about Victoria Osteen be posted to your web page. I believe it is all lies. Mrs. Heather Hardwick and who ever aloud this to be posted all the way up to the pastor should be held accountable.

Vengeance is mine says the Lord. You all are so very wrong. I don't believe a word of it.

Perusing the web page "... the unsaved are not welcome". Is that a joke or what? Jesus said I did not come to save the righteous ...

Try reading Corinthians 13 to learn what love is.

God help you,
Forgive us as we forgive those who trepass against us!!!

To Whom it may concern:

I read the article "Republican Children Say the Darndest Things about Barack Obama" on the Landover Baptist Church website. Although a few of the statements the kids made were cute, many imply that families must be teaching a dislike towards black people, racism if you will, or that we may be superior to black people.

THAT is not raising children in accordance "true Christian" Biblical standards! or traditional values. Fear, or hatred, towards other races is not in agreement with what Jesus teaches in the New Testament. Our Lord teaches love towards all of man kind, even those who sin against us! There is no mention of race.

Is it "traditional values" when parents obviously do not mind teaching their children slang, or curse words, which by the way is also not the godly way (1 Timothy 4:12). The language you printed (even though it may have been mispelled) was not funny or cute. It should not have been printed.

How many black people or Hispanic people do you have in your congregation? Would they be offended by these so-called cute sayings?

Living in His love,
Thomas Grimes

Ok. I would like to know what the fuck is exactly wrong with you and your insane babbling about dogs not going to heaven. You should have told timmy to watch all dogs go to heaven instead of scaring this poor little boy who will now more than likely grow up to reject your racist beliefs you call a religion. God created everyone equally, so those so called chinamen you refer to should be respected the same as you. well, they should be respected more because they are not as fucked up in the head as you. I believe in jesus and god, but not religions like yours. so go fuck your horses and scar another child for life. no wonder our societies faith is going out the window. Cause of uneducated ignorent people like you who do no research and belive anything somone writes or says is the TRUTH! Dumb Asses!\

Darryll Hunt

Why does your so called church preach hatred and glorifiy pornography.if anyones wants to come to Christ it is free.Laughover baptist is a cult that worships the very ground satan walks on,just the name spits out damnation and darkness.You have a right to print what you like and i do to.You group should be on the 10 most wanted list of the world's most biggest churches of satan.Your god and your so called jesus is the most putred, vile stink,black evil that ever was.Some or somebody will one day uncover who you really are.Shame on you and your wicked congregation.Why don't you ask your god if he wants to be a member of your church?.one day you will stand in front of the real Lord and Savior and be judged accordly.the church of satan will one day be cast into the lake of fire and there is nothing you can do about it.I do not care for you or anything belonging to satan's church.your just wind that blows in once in a while and leaves,but the stink you leave behind,that is another matter.

Add this to all the others who have enough courage and guts to stand up to this horrible spreading cult!

Sarah Wendor

hey there u little bitch i saw ur video on youtube about wiccans i am wicca you cunt licker and i hope you burn in ur own hell u know nothing and u are aNOTHING TO US WICCA'S EXCEPT A GOD LVING BITCH. ur best thing to do would be to shut ur god damn mouth and stop running it about people that u do not know nor understand u cunt licking bitch ass god loving but fucker.

Chester Reese


Matthe Winder

Thank you for keeping your ignorant beliefs alive in this world. Honestly, the world can't be perfect, it would cause chaos, so it's a good thing that there's still a group of people who can tarnish the world with their bullshit. Ignorant people like you fuel my hatred for human kind.

Christian Lee

You guys are fucking insane!!! You want christian parents to spank their children until the imprint of the cross is left in their rear ends?!? That is abuse!!! And I hope you were beaten like that as a child... cause then maybe that would explain why your such and asshole who condons child beating... I have a right mind to set this over to you local police department for review... you are all a bunch of sick bastards!!!

Aly Moore

To Whom it May Concern,

First I want it to be understood that I am genuinely excited to see young Christians active in the World of Warcraft. But I have serious issues with some of the mentioned ideals I read on the Guilds website:

1. "Convert or Die?" Is this a guild name representing Christians that truly strive to show the love of Christ to anyone? I agree that unless we have a strong faith in the Lord and his Son we have nothing to look forward to but fires and gnashing of teeth. But with honest all-do-respect, "Convert or die" is the mind set of the middle age crusades.

2. " unsaved Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and other players who are going to hell." Though I completely agree with the statement understanding that faith in Christ and His Father are the only paths leading to salvation, the same problem exists here as did in problem #1: Where is the love of God. Jesus was straight with people when He delivered his message but at no time in the scriptures did He condemn those that were actively making an effort to listen to Him. He was patient and loving with them and through His perseverance he saved a countless number of non-believers. What message are you trying to send to people when your opening statement condemns them? They are condemned, but by God, not by us and it will never be our job to do so!

3. I agree that men are men and women are women but to accuse people of homosexuality based on the gender of their character is a judgement that (once again) we are not responsible for pointing out to people. Homosexuality disgusts the Lord as any true believer knows and to accuse someone of it based on a trivial fact is wrong in too many ways to mention.

4. Finally, the slogan that appears under your church's banner on the website, "...unsaved are not welcome (As Jesus Commanded). Shame on you all! Jesus said when questioned about his association with sinners, tax collectors and prostitutes, "I have come not to heal the healthy, but to heal the sick!" This slogan says to me (should I be an unbeliever) that I am unwelcome to come and learn of your God. That He does not want to allow me the chance to enter His kingdom!

In closing I have a story:

A man who had lived a very worldly life awoke one day to God's love. He realized the evils of his ways and decided then and there to change them. He realized however that he would need help and seeking it he approached a local church. Upon seeing the man the members said, "get out of here sinner, we know of you and the things you have done and you have no place among us!" So the man turned to God and said, "Lord! What do you want me to do!? I have tried get help from this church and they chased me away, they won't let me in! To which the Lord replied, "what are you complaining about? They won't let me in either!"

I sincerely hope that these facts are an oversight to you, Pastor. Hopefully they are the product of a 16 year old child with his heart in the right place but in need of some direction. Maybe someone to remind him that we all fall short of the glory of God. Not just the unsaved.


SPC Joshua Kendall Bruinenberg
Mrs. Melissa Ann Bruinenberg

Hello and blessed be..

my name is James and i was reading through your website and i noticed you or one of the folks whom manage your website is horribly slandering my religion and way of life... if you must know that not all Wiccans are weird peirced dark clothed people who only sit around and cast "curses or spells"... oo scary.. and if you must know that if you actually read into it like i read the Bible before i chose my religion you will find out that the people that do "curses" and claim that they will do bad things or that actually DO bad things arent Wiccan.. i myself am a normal person i dress normaly i wear jeans or dickiest and a collard shirt with a hat usually representing my sports teams.... i am an honest, considerate, and caring person.. i go to work and i am currently waiting to go to Navy boot camp i am not weird and i dont slander other people for there beliefs and instead of being closed minded about things i dont understand i research things instead of instantly condemning them because i dont understand it... and if you must know that all true Wiccans go by a code of ethics like for one the Rule of three which goes as such:

Ever mind the Rule of Three Three times what thou givest returns to thee This lesson well, thou must learn, Thee only gets what thou dost earn and just like Christianity has the ten commandments we have the Wiccan Rede

Bide the Wiccan lay ye must, In perfect Love and Perfect trust, These eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill; and ye harm none do what ye wilt, and so ever mind the Rule of Three, What ye send forth comes back to thee, follow this with mind and heart, Merry ye meet and merry ye part,

i hope this shines some light upon my beliefs and im also not trying to start no quarrel i just would like you to understand before you condemn and if you have read this long thank your for your time and have a Blessed day Merry met,






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