Murdered
Children Reunited With Born-Again Killer in Heaven!
We
believe that every single word in the Holy Bible is the absolute truth,
and as such, Jesus Christ will reunite convicted child molester, Wayne
Hobbs, with all of the children he raped and murdered. Mr Hobbs is
probably rolling around on the grasses of Glory...
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Landover
Ladies Go Undercover For Jesus at Des Moines Sex Club
Recounting what she observed as
she walked through several rooms full of naked people, Sister Taffy
said: "You need to understand, we are all Christian women. We have
only ever been with our husbands. And we saw some eye opening -- to say
the least -- things in there....
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Pastor's
Rousing Sermon Results in Town Full of Eunuchs
"I was in the kitchen when
I heard him screaming something awful. When I finished putting sprinkles
on the cupcakes I was making, I went out to the shed. Lord have mercy!
He had used a pair of pliers to pull off his balls...
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Farmers
Use Menstruating Women to Fertilize Crops
But the Holy Spirit led us to
the novel solution of renting these leaking ladies out during their
times of uncleanness to local farmers to help fertilize their corn
fields. The extra income with help pay to reopen the new facility as the
new Landover Baptist
...
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Federal
Court Backs Landover's Bible Based Ban on the Handicapped (PDF Court
Case)
The
Christian Bible absolutely rejects those suffering from abnormalities
and/or disabilities that may or may not be caused by demon possession...
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Cub
Scout Discovers Ancient Bones of Humongous Demon!
The excavation took only three
days. "We just wanted to hack the demon to pieces when we got
there," said Dr. Edwards. "But we thought it was important to
get a good look at it before we destroyed it...
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Nipple-Flashing
Harlot Dragged From Last Sunday's Service
"Bertha Hasselhof was
sitting right next to me at service when she pulled out the first of her
Winnebago-sized breasts," recalled Mrs. Freda Claiborne. "The
thing that caught my eye was that the liver-colored area around her
nipple was as dark and drippy as a...
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Dove
Hunter Kills Holy Spirit With Round of Buckshot
Before a joyous
crowd of approximately 650 Christian families, Orville "Red"
Benson was stoned to death at the Freehold Prison for the Criminally
Unsaved on Saturday. With just 10 minutes left before the time of
execution, Iowa governor Thomas...
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Baptist
Ladies Ambush Frumpy Pentecostals With Emergency Makeovers
Only Jesus can save those
tounge-talking frumps from Hell, but we can at least save them from
looking like Hell in the meantime. True, the Lord said that long hair is
a glory for women. But, I ask you, since when would any sane women take
hairstyling tips...
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Mormons
Visit Landover Baptist - Now Missing
If you have any information
that would help Federal authorities in their investigation to locate Mr.
Osmond or Mr. Benjamin, please contact your church deacon first....
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Unsaved
Children Nearly Egged to Death in Annual Easter Bunny Slaughter
“All True Christians know the
Easter Bunny is no different than Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, witches
and the like,” noted Pastor Deacon Fred at a hastily convened news
conference. “It is a symbol of pagan worship. The rabbit represents....
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The
Ladies of Landover Go Harlot Hunting
Topic of
Discussion: Former-Sister-in-Christ
Dora Denkins, currently on the lam from the Lord and the Landover
Baptist Collection Agency....
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Landover
Baptist Wins Legal Injunction Against The Unsaved! (PDF Court Case)
The court finds persuasive the
fact that Landover has been compelled to petition this Court no less
than 52 times for injunctive relief against the unsaved...
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God
Opens Door But Slams Window Shut on Missionary's Fingers
Stunned parishioners listened
for over 15 minutes as Mr. Porter revealed that his life was nothing
more than a 72-year effort to figure out what windows and doors God was
opening and closing. "I once thought God was calling me to be a
lineman in Wichita. I actually got in my car and drove halfway to....
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I've
Got a Heart On For Jesus! The Campaign to Take Back Valentines Day
Valentine's Day has
always been nothing more than a shameless celebration of promiscuity. In
grade schools throughout the land, six-year-olds are encouraged to fill
their classmates' shoeboxes with sexually predatory demands like,
"Be Mine!" Hearts...
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Persecution
Comes In the Form of a Law Suit (PDF Court Case)
Plaintiffs assert that the
claims of the Landover Baptist articles are untrue and, if published
would severely undermine or destroy their already precarious and
plummeting careers
...
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Pastor
Ebeneezer Smith Goes Home to Jesus
It was business as usual at
church last Sunday, despite the brutal death just four days earlier of
longtime pastor, 82-year-old Reverend Ebeneezer Smith. "While
the circumstances of his demise are certainly understandable, his death
was nothing...
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Church
Renovation to Include Facility for So-Called Minorities
Perhaps the most controversial
aspect of the new plan is the creation of a large side room for worship
by colored and Mexican domestics of Landover members. "We
really had no choice but to include such...
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Landover
Petitions for Iowa State Voting Procedures to be Modeled After Electoral
College
The excavation took only three
days. "We just wanted to hack the demon to pieces when we got
there," said Dr. Edwards. "But we thought it was important to
get a good look at it before we destroyed it...
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Freehold
Iowa TV Guide Now Available Online
This
award winning program schedule covers the greater Freehold, Iowa area
and surrounding Christian communities. The program schedule does not
change unless noted...
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Win
Free Tickets to Church!
It's not just two free tickets
to the largest church in North America™. Here is what's included
in this glorious package if you win....
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