Tips for Christian Men
You are looking for a woman who
knows how to cook and sew, a woman who can keep house. You are looking
for a woman who will not squander your income or lean toward gossip. You
are looking for...
in Tongues in 5 Days or Your Money Back!
Within a day, you will learn to
make up things that even you can't understand while in a hot-footed
Kids! Pack Your Guns! It's Time for Vacation Bible Camp!
Mothers, if you receive a call
from the camp Pastor, telling you that your child is acting like a
boy and crying about how much he misses his mother, resist the
temptation to "rescue" your child (Permission
Probably Don't Have Souls: Bible FACT!
Women are therefore completely
subordinate to men (1 Corinthians 11:3). Once men enter the Kingdom of
Heaven, they will be one with God, and will no longer be in need of
mortal companionship. Thus, the reason behind having women will no
longer exist. Women, like the members of the animal kingdom, will fall
by the wayside."...
I See My Grandpa Naked After the Rapture?
Grandpappy will be as naked as
a pair of sphynx kittens, skipping down Main Street as soon as you get
through the pearly gates! But don’t fret, dear Kimmy, for it
will not be the nakedness you will have come to know during your short
Christ, Get a Free Playstation 2!
Call our church office and we
will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents'
credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you
can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your
daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you
free shipping and...
Burning: A True Christian Tradition
The burning of books is nothing
new to True Christians®. We invented the practice over
two-thousand years ago as a way to promote our faith in the Lord Jesus.
In the early days of Christianity, when new believers in Christ were
converted, they were....
Mother's Day, Ask Yourself: Do I Hate My Mother as Much as Jesus Hated
Can you imagine being doted and
hounded by your own mother as much as Jesus was from His? Even for
a Jewish mother, the woman was clearly a pest. Scripture reveals to us
that she was an insufferable leech when it came to her precious Son...
Free Tickets to Church!
It's not just two free tickets
to the largest church in North America! Here is what's included if
you win this incredible package....
to be Published With Parental Advisory Labels
Church authorities are worried
that if all references to violence in the Bible are removed, they will
be left with a piece of scrap paper the size of a business card
containing a few words from Jesus...
Christian Parents' Handy Guide to Biblical Terminology
at the flow of blood from a woman’s private parts that occurs monthly
as part of God’s punishment for eating an apple. Secularists
call this menstruation, but the Bible teaches us that it is to be
called, uncleanness, sickness, and filthiness...
A Holy Ghost-inspired
spontaneous midnight ministry trip to Las Vegas, Nevada on Pastor's
private jet. Sources close to church officials say that around 9 p.m.,
Brother Harry Hardwick was overcome with a burden for "gamblers and
Dancing a Sin? Not if it's For Jesus!
One of the young people, Skylar
Mayes, stood and said with a gleam in her eye, "Let's have a
rave!" (Well, I knew that "rave" meant, "to
declaim loudly and act with extreme enthusiasm," but I had know
Get Caught on the Toilet When Jesus Comes Back!
Jesus ain't gonna rapture
anyone with their pants hanging down by their ankles. Shame on you! He
is not coming back to endure the evil smells you make in the bathroom....
to School Witnessing Tips for True Christian™ Students!
Here are some great tips for
fighting Satan on his own turf and claiming your school in the name of
News for Christian Video Gamers! Unreal Tournament Bible Based
Maps and Characters Are on the Way!
Timothy explained the rules of
what he called, Christian Insta-Gibbing Death Matches. He also
took each player on a complete tour of each map. "The first map is
just kind of a fun map where you are back in Bible times in Jerusalem,
only Jesus and his disciples are armed with modified shock rifles,"
Your Christian Child in Trouble?
Some of these signs, or
"behaviors," as secular humanists call them, are easy to spot.
Others are more difficult to see and might require you to rummage
through their personal belongings or enlist the assistance of a
Christian detective. In any case...
Would Someone Create an Elaborate Website to Make Fun of Fundamentalist
I can certainly understand
someone who doesn't wish to sit back and allow others to simply believe
as they wish, dear. Indeed, the Internet is full of True
Christian websites that take time to bring people the Good News
(that they are going straight to Hell)...
Pound Pastor Preaches From Bed
Pastor Horace "The Bull" Johnson received his Landover Baptist
Lifetime Achievement Award last week, he delivered his acceptance speech
using a bullhorn from his bed, which had been hoisted 200 feet above his
house by an industrial...
Not Gambling if It's For Jesus!
This whole thing is just a
great opportunity for vacationing Christians to give a little bit back
to Jesus and have a whole heck of a lot of fun doing it...
Jesus Values Excellence Awards!
They were treated to a seven
course meal, live entertainment, scripture readings, and Rev. Pat
Robertson entertained the crowd by pulling a few amazing religious
stunts out of his Pentecostal bag of tricks.....
Burning Safety Tips
a True Christian™ you understand that the reading of non-Christian
books is like opening up the sewer lid of Hell and allowing Satan to
creep out and crawl into your child's innocent little mind. We
pray that the chart below will...
Iowa TV Guide (Landover Baptist Friendly)
award winning program schedule covers the greater Freehold, Iowa area
and surrounding Christian communities. The program schedule does not
change unless noted....
Are Going Straight To Hell!
The Lord has told us that the
road to Heaven is narrow and while many are called, few are chosen. In
other words, it is clearly God's plan that most people should be
consigned to an eternity in an imminently disagreeable Hell...
Testimony Contest Winner!
have nearly the Christian values it takes to win such a prestigious
award, but a member of my family does: my sister-in-law, whom I lovingly
call "Sis." She was once a terribly private person who.....
to Treat Negroes Like Human Beings
"You know, the funny
part," Dr. Robertson chimed in, "is how the evil evolutionists
can't answer the basic questions such as, 'if evolution is true, why are
there still monkeys? I mean, except for the other kind. It's just
godlessness run amuck....
Children's Art Competition Focuses on Book of Revelation
The rules for the competition
were simple: select your favorite passage from the Book of Revelation
and illustrate it! 2,000 Landover youths took out their crayons and
started drawing. Some of their drawings turned out nearly as good
as those wood pictures by that German Bible illustrator, Albert Durwood...
Children Encouraged to Quit School and Join Landover Baptist's True
Christian™, "Homskouling Are Childrun Projeckt"
Are childrens good education is
bout the most important thing we can give them all. So why whould
anyone trust it to nonChristains and other Satanic types? I think
I speak with some authority when I say that public schools our no place
to teach children...
$5,000 Christian Cruise!
Imagine drinking in the exotic
sights and sounds of Jesus' old stomping grounds. Indulging in world
class shopping at every port! You will discover a treasure trove, a
bounty of the world's most desirable merchandise. Tickle your Baptist
taste buds with some of the Holy Land's secret mouth watering recipes...