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Church Bulldozes Starving Ethiopian Children Away From Lovely Banquet Area
"The second the chef started loading the banquet table, some of
those starving native children would make it past the electric fence and
rudely hold their little hands out," said Rev. Stanley. "No one
could even finish the first course looking at those gas-filled bellies.
They looked like little black bowling balls on sticks. It was disgusting.
It is one thing to surprise someone with Christian charity, but when they
just stand there expecting it, that really gets under my skin."
Read All About It!>
 SMACKDOWN
Special Report: WWF a Hotbed of Latent Homosexuality!
"Before lustful, screaming fans, depraved sissies on steroids flirt with each other, taunt each other, play
hard to get, and ultimately allow themselves to be touched in places unthinkable to Christian men."
Landover
WWF Exclusive!>
Security Beefed Up Now That Jews Know About Gold Ark
"You wouldn't believe the number of old Rabbis and other cheapskates
that are making pilgrimages to this church every day. They just want to
catch a glimpse of that old thing!" Said one pastor.
Read
the Whole Story>
Film Review: The Patriot
Betty Bowers reviews Hollywood's latest inaccurate piece of anti-Christian trash.
Click
Here for Review
Back Issues
Early editions now available online.
May
2000 Edition>
July
2000 Edition>
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 Free Movie Preview!
Real life Christian drama comes to Landover this Fall! Click to see a Flash video
preview of our new Television series! (For mature, God fearing audiences only!)
 Pummeling,
Plagues and Pestilence
Landover Petitions for a Biblical
Criminal Code. There is only one cause of crime -- Satan. And there is
only going to be one cure -- God's law. The Ten Commandments is just
a start!
Read
Our Petition!>
 Concentration
Campus for Divorcees: NO VACANCY!
If we expect the unsaved to live
by the Bible, it seemed like a good idea for Christians to finally start
doing that, too. And the Bible is clear -- no divorce.
Read!>
Bible Punishment Quiz (Interactive)
What punishment did God say is mandatory
for an unruly child? "Nothing? Stoning to death?" How well do you know
God's mandates?
Take
the Quiz here>
Bible
Miracle On Church Field Trip Leaves Six Children Dead
FREEHOLD IA: Several Landover youths
remain in serious condition after what they thought were "harmless taunts"
led to a close encounter with Holy Scripture. Deacon Glen Mitchell suffered
the indignity of children laughing at his baldness on a recent trip to
the Landover Baptist Zoo. He then pointed out some Bible passages from
2nd
Kings that convinced the zoo keeper to release the children, unsupervised,
into the polar bear exhibit during the bears' feeding time. "Deacon Mitchell
didn't have a choice," remarked Pastor Smith. "He was doing what the Bible
commanded him to do. This miracle was in God's hands the whole time."
60 Second Sermons In Real Audio ~ Updated 07/31
Pastor Deacon Fred preaches a new 60 Second Sermon every Monday! Listen to this week's sermon:
07/31/00: "Jesus Didn't Destroy The Law!"
Visit the complete sermon archive to get a full dose of hellfire
by clicking here>
The New Landover Baptist Store
Purchase a lovely gift or something for yourself at the new Get Your Ass To Church Store. T-shirts, mugs,
hats, stickers, sanitary napkins and anything else the Lord tells us to sell!
I want to shop for Jesus!-->
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