Satan
Calls Another Pope to Hell
As True Christians™ we can
only hope and pray that the Pope's death was as painful and agonizing as
the reckless suffering his cult has inflicted on the hundreds of
millions of ignorant, unsaved, third-world trash whose pathetic poverty
strewn lives litter the countries raped dry by the Roman Catholic Church...
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Understanding
How God Uses Tsunamis to Slaughter Sinners
Not since the time of Noah has
God used water so effectively to
harass sinners and wreak havoc upon those who don't flatter Him with
sufficient regularity. As
unsaved, impoverished Hindus toiled in beachside shacks on Christmas
instead of exchanging expensive gifts from...
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Christian
Children! Report Your Unsaved Parents to the Federal Government!
In
conjunction with the White
House's Eagle Eyes Program for kids across America who want to be
Patriots in Action, Landover Baptist's "Little Ears Ministry"
is providing you with an important list of signs that your parents
secretly hate, not only America, but Jesus Christ, Church, Capitalism,
the Republican Party and, most likely, even YOU...
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Bible
Fear Factor: Too Gruesome for Network Televison!
You see those Jew
boys have spent so much time ignoring their half-Bible that they forgot
that the Lord's idea of things that create fear in humans is way more
diabolical than anything even network television can come up with...
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Alabama:
A Preview of the Glories of a Christian America!
Friends, we learned again last
month what we’ve been taught the last 40 years – Alabama is way
ahead of the times. While the rest of the country (save Freehold)
remains mired in all this liberal nonsense about democracy....
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How
to Spot Atheists and Report Them to the FBI!
"I don't know that
Atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered
patriots. This is one nation under God." -President
George Bush...
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A
Tribute to Strom Thurmond: The Last True Christian™ Senator
“I wanna tell you, ladies and
gentlemen, that there’s not enough troops in the army to force the
southern people to break down segregation and admit the nigger race into
our theaters and swimming pools, into our homes and into our churches -
Mr. Thurmond ...
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Derrick
Todd Lee: Murderer or Martyr?
If we are honest with
ourselves, we will admit that even though Mr. Lee tried harder than most
of us are willing to go in being Christ-like, he still fell far short of
the seemingly unbeatable record the Lord has set when it comes to
ripping folks apart or...
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SARS:
God's Advanced Weapon of Mass Destruction
I’m happy to say, friends,
that the Old God is back. The
God of the Old Testament is replacing the more lackadaisical, fey God of
the newer book. God used to
wipe out entire races of people without warning, burning whole towns...
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Pastor
Deacon Fred Leads 3,000 Atheists to Christ at Godless March on
Washington!
These
are End Times, my friends. It’s
a sick world we live where Disney cartoons like Monster’s Inc make a
movie star out of talking green testicle!
I would pray that God protect
our children, but when He gets a bee in His bonnet about something...
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God
Ignores Cries of Little Girl Trapped in Wishing Well
"She was
the sweetest girl," said Inez Johnson, "not an evil bone in
her little body. Our faith is so strong that we told the rescue workers
to leave because they were just wasting their time – and their
annoying machinery was drowning out our prayer circles...
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Federal
Court Backs Bible Based Ban on the Handicapped
The United states alleges that
Defendants, who collectively own and operate Landvoer Baptist Church
("Landover") in the Township of Freehold, Iowa, violated the
ADA by failing to provide adequate facilities for the disabled...
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450,000
Scottish Farmers Back With Wives in Aftermath of Foot-And-Mouth Epidemic
(Edinburgh) After tearful
good-byes to sheep incinerated as a result of the recent foot-and-mouth
epidemic, farmers throughout the Scottish Highlands began sodomizing
their once-neglected wives again...
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Jay
Leno's Anti-Christian Agenda
Church members were
shocked and saddened to hear from their secular television watching
domestic help that bawdy late night talk show host, Jay Leno openly
ridiculed Jesus Christ and the...
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God
Kicks Off End Times Killing Spree With Indian Earthquake
In addition to the catastrophe
in India, God's earthquake rampage caused extensive property damage in Greece
and northeastern Ohio.
"God is returning to the tried and true punishment of sinners
--good old-fashioned earth moving (Isaiah 13:13; Psalms 18:7). Paul told...
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Landover
Petitions for Iowa State Voting Procedures Modeled After Electoral
College
"For too long, our
national and statewide elections have been decided by a single bloc of
voters -- people living in Satanic cities -- simply because the vast
majority of the population resides there," observed Landover pastor
and financier, Brother Harry...
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God
is Fed Up With The Middle East!
"We need to right past
wrongs," noted Reverend Harry Hardwick. In the mid-twentieth
century, those people were just a bunch of poor savages with nothing
more than the robes on their backs. We gave the brownies money...
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Christians
Eager to Receive Mark of Cross on Hand or Forehead
"God
willing, you will not be able to buy or sell ANY product unless you have
the mark of the cross," Pastor Deacon Fred told an eager church
audience this week...
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Jimmy
Carter's Habitat for Heathens!
You may be saying to yourself,
"But Jimmy Carter isn't dead!" Well, he is to the Southern
Baptist Convention. And he is to God...
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NASA
To Place Christian Cross On Moon!
“I think this is an
appropriate way to pay homage to the Creator of all things. All
our propulsion and trajectory calculations are worthless without
Christ’s blessings. That was made clear with our missions to
Mars. We used billions of dollars...
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Baptists
Raise $7 To Patch Cuban Boy's Innertube!
Thanks to the generosity of
thousands of American Baptists, six year old Elian Gonzalez will soon be
back to work in the picturesque sugar cane fields of Cuba.
Esteemed Baptist theologian Jerry Falwell told our next president George
W. Bush, "We have got to send that little Cuban bastard back...
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A
Prayer Against Hollywood!
Lord, we ask that you show us,
like you showed Lot and his daughters. Manifest your anger at the
behavior of homosexuals for "if a man also lie with mankind
as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination:
they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them"
Leviticus 20:13, pagan witches for...
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