For those Church members who were unable to attend the "Work From Home With Jesus" meeting last Tuesday night, you are now authorized to use a new message for the Annual Holiday Marketing Campaign beginning on December 22 and ending February 21.

Each Christian marketer will be paid $3 for every 1 million e-Mails sent, as part of your contract. The photo of Pastor's son comes in four varieties based on regional and racial marketing targets.  So if you are mailing to a part of the country that has Mexicans, use the picture of Pastor's son wearing a sombrero with the dead Chihuahua. If you are mailing to the urban areas, please use the image of the buck-tooth colored boy with an old radio on his shoulders.  If you are confused about the demographics and which image will get the highest return, pick up the market targeting brochure in the church lobby.  

If you have any questions, or have difficulty downloading attachments (including the mail counter program and the actual mailing list program if you are a new employee), please talk with Timothy Huxton in tech support. We don't want to put his e-mail up here because his inbox is already overloaded with support requests.  Simply cut and paste the message below and replace it with last month's message.

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SUBJECT: Jesus is Going to Kill My Son if You Don't Help Me!

GREETINGS!  Please forgive me for wasting your precious time, but I want to make you aware that Jesus is going to kill my son and that you will be partly responsible for his death if you do not respond to my message in time.

You do not know me, but perhaps you have heard of me. I am a very humble and Godly man from Freehold, Iowa who has taken it upon myself to help a small group of poor and destitute people.  I am pasturing their church and my name is Mr. Pastor Deacon Fred.  Our congregation is small, and many of us can not afford but a can of beans for Christmas Dinner.  But we are Americans, not AmeriCANT's. We know that we can make a difference with your precious support! If you love Jesus and America, you will drop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and open up the attachment on this message. If you hate God, and America - please open the attachment anyway, it contains vital updates for your computer! 

If you have read this message so far, I will tell you that I am writing to you on behalf of my congregation who has been in prayer for my son who needs an operation that will cost over $3.5 Million US Dollars!  Good Heavens!  Where are we going to get that kind of money?  Well, we have a way for you to help us, without spending a dime of your own money!  In fact, when you send us money, our earnest prayers will triple the return on your good will investment if your faith in the Lord is true.

The details of my son's predicament are too complicated to explain in this e-Mail. If you open the attachment to this message there is more information, but what you really need to understand is that Jesus is going to kill my little boy if we don't get the money in time for his operation. Your faith gift of US $1000 or whatever you can afford will acquit you of any charges we might press against you for your inaction. And WE WILL PRESS CHARGES!

Understand - In the Lord's eyes, if you ignore this message - legally you can be charged in the same way a bystander is charged for witnessing a horrible crime and walking away without doing a thing! Your time in prison for ignoring this message is nothing compared to what Jesus is going to do to you when He gets hold of you and flings you into Hell for refusing to help.

Please send your faith gift (Cash or Money Order ONLY!) IMMEDIATELY to the following address:

Landover Baptist Church
Faith Fundraising Center
77 Soulwinner's Lane
Suite 729
Freehold, Iowa 44587

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