Mt, ND - Landover Baptist Church announces its Facility in North
Dakota will be opening its doors to children of non-church members for
the first time in its 160-year history. "We are welcoming Tea Party
toddlers and will be interviewing offspring of other Christian Militia
groups across this great nation of ours starting this summer!" Pastor
Deacon Fred told James Dobson during an interview earlier this week.
"The Facility has had a 100% success rate in the treatment of
pre-existing conditions in children which would otherwise jeopardize
their eternal security," he continued. "Each child who leaves The
Facility does so with an "EX" in front of whatever sinful condition they
entered. Some children never leave, but among the two or three that
have, none of them were found to exhibit pre-Sodomic behavior after
extensive testing. They were released as Ex-non-pre-sodomites whose
parents had placed them for safe-keeping while they were on vacation."
The Facility was acquired by the Landover Baptist Board of Deacons in
1847 from the Salvation County Department of Medicine in North Dakota.
From its inception, The Facility has been used to treat people afflicted
with demons, primarily - the demons of dementia that possessed the wives
of Confederate soldiers who had slept with colored men during and after the Civil War.
say they can hear the blood-curdling screams of ladies with
southern accents echoing through the
dark corridors of The Facility at night. May God be praised.
You might have seen our Facility brochure (posted
above) in your local Christian
Newspaper. Please read through it thoroughly to see if The Facility is
right for your child -- then say a prayer and set up an interview! We're waiting to
hear from you!