Freehold, Iowa - The Landover Baptist Board of Deacons erupted in laughter when they learned through FOX News that scientists studying a pile of monkey bones for the last 10-years announced they had come "the closest ever" to finding a common ancestor to prove Evolution.

"We were all watching FOX Christian television" said Deacon Hargraves. "When the artist's sketch of the creature they're calling, Ardi, comes up on the screen,  Brother Hardwick leans over and whispers in my ear, 'That looks an awful lot like Sister Dora Denkins... at least now we know what happened to her!' Well, I just busted a gut right there!"

Laughter is contagious. And as the Board of Deacons sat there is disbelief, watching the news - learning more about crazy faithless scientific findings, Pastor Deacon Fred stood up and exclaimed, "You mean to tell me that a bunch of scientists spent the last ten years sitting around a table full of old bones to come up with another crazy idea? Well, take a look around you!" Pastor turned and pointed at 78-year old, Brother Jenkins and the Fellowship of Deacon Elders in their wheelchairs. "We've been sitting around this table surrounded by a bunch of old bones for the last 20-years and we've come up with more crazy ideas than I can count!" To which the entire meeting erupted in laughter.

Pastor brought the meeting back to order after the Deacons settled down. "To think that these Atheist lunatics are allowed to teach in American schools! Universities even! Walking our streets, shouting nonsense to anyone who might listen! Doesn't that get you all riled up?"

Brother Hardwick pounded the table and shouted, "It does me! These folks spend their whole lives digging up the Earth to figure out where they came from! Well, they are mighty close! All they have to do is read the first chapter of Genesis in the Bible to find out we all came from the dirt they're holding in their hands!"

Deacon Farnsworth added, "Glory to God, Brother Harry! What's crazy is that our tax-dollars might somehow be going to support these loons and their silly ideas! For all we know, they might be attached to some non-profit organization, like PBS!"

Brother Henkile stood up and said, "Ya'll know what 'PBS' stands for, right? PERVERTED BULL S*** [unchristian word removed]"

"Easy now, Brother..." Pastor Deacon Fred said. "We don't want to stoop to their level."

"Stoop?" said Brother Henkile. "Them crazy scientists dedicate their lives to sniffin' STOOPS for a living! Stinky old monkey stoops!" To which the entire Board of Deacons again erupted in laughter.

"The only monkey stoop they need to be studying is the one floatin' in President Obama's toilet! A-men?" added Brother Hoffman. "Use that science to show America what their President has been smoking! Shout Glory!"

"Glory!" Shouted the entire Board of Deacons in unison, before breaking out into fits of laughter.

"The TV said that this new finding is one of the most important discoveries for the study of human evolution," Pastor said after the Deacons settled down. "You old bones need to put your thinking caps on for this one! We can turn this round to bring in an awful lot of money for the Lord Jesus! This ain't Lucy, folks - and it ain't the 1970's. It ain't a twenty-five cent gospel tract we're selling anymore, brothers! We've got Zondervan Christian Publishers on our side - that's big Jesus money. If Dr. Edwards here can work up a rebuttal on this Ardi nonsense, I think we're looking at a million dollar book deal. We'll spread the love - order up those new pews for the Platinum tithers and Brother Henkile can even get his Trustee Porcelain Menstra-Shack to get his wife under control like the rest of us."

After Brother Hardwick closed the meeting with prayer, Pastor texted Major Donors and two agents from Zondervan's to join select Deacons and Baptist Creation Science author, Dr. Jonathan Edwards, at the Freehold, Iowa Morton's Steakhouse to discuss how best to parlay the Lord's favor through a book deal.