"We Told That Fat Queen To Stick To Phone Sex!"
An embarrassed Focus on the Family issues a response to its famous ex-ex-ex-gay John Paulk
being caught in a seedy homosexual bar.
Click Here for Details>
Do You Have A Demon In Your Colon?
"When you smell sulfur, you know Satan has been around." Pastor Deacon Fred preaches a horrifying sermon. Also available in Real Audio Format
Take Me There NOW!>
Chances Are, You And Your Family Will Wind Up In Hell
"When you review the Bible in context, just about everyone is going to Hell." Read Brother Hardwick's soul, stirring sermon!
Click To Read Sermon>
The Haunted Christian House in Boulder
Put a flashlight under your chin and scare your friends with "A Very Special Ramsey Christmas"
(not suitable for children under 10, especially if they are wearing fishnet hose, a quarter-inch of make-up and a come-hither look)
Read all about it>
Ladies of Landover Discover Depraved Cult In Utah!
A charter jet whisked the ladies from Freehold to the Salt Lake City airport where a limousine
transported them to a giant courtyard nestled between the towers of a collection of buildings called:
"Temple of the Chosen Few."
Click For The Full Story!>
Kindergartners Depict Horrors of Revelation in Hellhouse!
"Young Jonah Baker uses an electronic water gun to drench the sinners with deep red paint dye as they fall to the ground from blood loss."
Read More!>
HELL: Mostly Chinese And Injun
"Imagine spending forever surrounded by 10 generations of Chinese folks, screamin' and yappin' that
monkey talk while you are roasting there in Hell...if that doesn't add to your desire to avoid Hell, I don't know what will,"
Pastor Smith told the congregation.
Read this revealing article>
Betty's Halloween Costume Ideas
Betty Bowers gives costume advice and asks the question, "Why can't Halloween be both frightening AND religious?"
Click for Betty on Halloween>
Winner! Third Annual Personal Testimony Contest!
From the winning testimony: "I don't have nearly the Christian values it takes to win such a prestigious award."
Click
to read the winning testimony>
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Pastor Orders Widow to Release Her Husband’s Soul from Mason Jar
It was discovered this week that Widow Wankin parlayed her deathbed vigil of her late husband
Elmer into an opportunity to catch his soul in an empty Mason jar. Mrs. Wankin told friends: “
At the very moment he passed, I grabbed that jar and scooped up Elmer’s soul just as it rose from his
dead body. That rubber flange was squished tight before that dear, lovely soul knew what had happened to it.
You should have seen the look on its little soul-face. It’s all I have left of my wonderful Elmer.” Representatives at the
Iowa State Fair commented: “That is a woman who knows how to put up some preserves. If she pickled his soul, you can
bet it’s not going anywhere.” Pastor has called upon Mrs. Wankin to open the jar and allow the soul to join Jesus. Landover authorities
are currently looking for the container, which has been hidden by Mrs. Wankin in her vast pantry.
Drunk Catholic Priest Turns Truckload of Krispy Kreme Donuts Into The Body of Christ:
Boxfuls of glazed and chocolate-dipped Jesuses are thought to be on the shelves at several area Kroger stores.
Founders of Traditional Values Coalition, Focus on the Family
and ChildCare Action Project View 1,467 Hard-Core Gay Pornographic Videos
"We were looking for homosexual subtext. There was something objectionable in
all of them. Sometimes, it was just an ambiguous look; sometimes, just an
expert blow-job. I can't tell you how many penetrations I counted," said a
clearly exhausted Louis P. Sheldon, "because I left my notes in the
screening room. I'm amazed at how homosexual gay porn is - everything was
just drenched in hot, sweaty man-love. Well, except the first few minutes
of Good Dick Hunting. That one took a while to get going."
Pastor Deacon Fred Storms Out of Conference
Pastor Deacon Fred angrily dismissed The Landover Conference of Pastors when they failed to
grant him the honorary title, "His Most Godly Magnificence,” as part of his new eight-figure compensation
package. In lieu of the title, Pastor Deacon Fred declared himself “infallible in all church matters, except remembering people’s names.”
Federal Authorities Continue Persecution of Christians
This time, the persecution is for, of all things, apocalypse preparation.
Mr. and Mrs. John Nihilist, longtime silver Landover members, were arrested
by FBI agents late Friday afternoon for excavating 100 square yards of land
they own. Recognizing the End Times are near, the Nihilists had begun
constructing a giant, luxurious shelter underground to escape the carnage
promised in the Bible for those on the surface. Freehold police began
investigating the dig site based on complaints from neighbors that the work
had destroyed plumbing lines, causing massive leaks and foundation settlement
of homes. A police search found extensive contraband, including a male and a
female of various farm animal species. Federal authorities became involved
when Freehold police reported finding a colored man and his wife locked in
one of the rooms underground. An incensed Mrs. Nihilist responded: "What is
the point of going to all this expense to cope with the rapture if you don't
have anyone to serve?"
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The Grinch!
Alabama Might Allow Mixed Race Marriages:
