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Letters To Landover:
MAIL FROM AUGUST
I read an article you have up about Yoga.
A Small Sample of E-mails received.
Unedited and in original form
You slapped a kick so hard across the face one of his teeth flew out? Because he asked about Yoga? The God that I know and love, would slap you if he watched you do that. I mean, I know you’re butt hurt about Obama wooping the shit out of McCain in the election, but seriously... You're just some racist prick. Its 2009, not 1809.
I hope you have the guts to write me back. God is watching your hypocrisy.
And about this:
PLEASE NOTE: "If you send an e-mail submission to this site, you are certifying that you are 18 years or older and you are granting The Landover Baptist™ Parody Website a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive and fully sublicensable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display your submission (in whole or part including your personal e-mail address) and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed." This means, we could write a book and include your email messages and all of the money we make from your stupidity belongs to our Godly Pastor, Deacon Fred! Praise Jesus!
This above statement is not legally true. I AM NOT CONSENTING TO MY INFORMATION BEING PUBLISHED ANYWHERE, and if it is, I will pursue legal action to no ends. You are PATHETIC.
All I can ask after looking through your web site is, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Selling kids, women being less than men, Jesus watching kids in the bathroom, etc.? I just want to say get out of freehold and experiance the real world where saying 95% of the things you have on this website, you would get your ass's kicked by most people. And yes I drink, have sex with my girlfriend, I am lustful and greedy- AND I AM A CHRISTIAN!
Thanks for reading,
P.S. you are going to burn hell for all eternity.
Bye Bye have fun!
I saw the photo of the lean-to on the countryside and was wondering where the original photo came from. Was it from a website that actually builds the structures, or is it just a lean-to someone built and you used it for pictures? Thank you for any help you can provide.
To whom it may conern,
I was searching the internet to find Christian Fall things to do for the children in my children's church and I came across your site, and I became sad. The person you are making fun of and calling names and making jokes of is a LORD and SAVIOR. God sent his only son to die on a cross for Mine, and YOUR sins. Jesus was being nailed to that cross and beat to death and God could have put a stop to it right then but Jesus said Forgive them they know not what they are doing. He loved us that much and for you to make a mockery of Jesus and God it is just shameful. I live everyday trying to please God. My life is in his hands, for this reason I am not angry at you like so many others because God would forgive you if you'd ask. I'm just sad, I'm upset that this type of wickedness is in our world and I'm sad that you would put it on here. I hope my e-mail does get used in your book because I like all the others are just standing up for God and I'm proud and not ashamed to stand up. You may get a laugh out of it, but if your evil ways aren't changed and your time comes to an end you won't be laughing. You will be burning for eternity. I will pray that you will turn from your ways and come to God before it is too late.
Have a wonderful day and May God Bless You!
May God Bless You,
Daniel & Heather Taylor
re: Non-Believers not allowed?
With all due respect, are you serious?! How can you possibly believe that nonbelievers are not welcome in the church? As a youth pastor, I deal with kids who deal with issues everyday. If I went based on your standard I would never try to help any of them or even let them through the door. In the last 2 and a half years, there have been over 50 "non believers" who have come through the doors of our church that have made a commitment to Christ. If I had rejected them, then
where would they be? Every single one of us are sinful people.
(Romans 3:23) By saying that one must be without sin to be a part of the church, you are insinuating that everyone in your congregation is perfect, without blemish. We know that isn't the case because Paul referred to this again in Romans 3:10-11.
Yes, all who believe in Christ, His death and His resurrection and put their trust in Him are washed clean of their sins. However, Romans
12:1-2 lets us know that we are to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. The problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar and has to daily be put back in place. that is why we are told by Christ to take up our cross daily. It is an everyday thing. We ask for forgiveness everyday because we knowingly or unknowingly sin.
If we prevented nonbelievers from coming in then how would they ever hear the gospel? Would everyone of them have to confess Christ outside of church before they could come in? Romans 10:14 lets us know that they need to believe in Christ to call upon his name. In order to believe they must "HEAR" the word. It says that in order to hear the word it must be "preached". Preaching (in most peoples
definitions) takes place within the church. To deny "sinners" access to the church is to deny them the opportunity to receive the same grace and forgiveness that God granted to you, me and everyone else claiming to be a Christian.
Please explain to me how you can possibly say it's ok to not allow the "unsaved" into your church. Because as far as I know, Titus 3 lets us
know that we were all in the same boat. Just looking for answers.
Have a blessed day!
I thought I would send an email and comment about the article I just read. (
I am a Christian, Baptist mom of 4, ministers wife for 20 yrs. in her 40's and was so thrilled at your article, I just had to write.
I was given the W.O.W. battlechest and gift certificate for 3 months free play for my birthday this year...thanks to one of our youth at church.
Up until that point I had never heard of W.O.W. The enormity of this community blew me away...to say the least!
As I ventured out of being a newby and into learning more about this game, there are real people yearning to learn more about Christ!
I actually, until I read your article, thought that I was a lone duck talking about Jesus and His Gospel and the love that Jesus Christ can give on the trade channels or in regular chats with others while doing simple W.C./R.C. raids.
I will pray for you and the ministry in this field. Yes, your right. Many people do not realize that this is a real & Christ-needy field.
And until reading your article I did not realize that there were specific Christian based Guilds! What a blessing!
I am a lvl 26 Blood Elf Paladin on Arygos -"Norha" & a lvl 35 Tauren Huntress on Dragonmaw - "Allesil"...of ocurse within the Horde.
I do not have any Alliance characters...yet.
Look me up sometime! :o)
God Bless You in your ministry!
Lisa Tarrant in North East Texas
Are you for real with this crap? Perhaps you need to realy READ the bible instead of taking it out of conext! I will pray for you all.
Deborah Rogers for Michelle Obama!
lol I read some stuff on ur site and u people are so retarded and uneducateds ur more like satin worshippers!
Dear brother in Christ,
I'm wondering if your church and site are for real. The legalism presented there is not Biblical at all. I am a member of a Baptist Church and I venture to say you may be false teaching and turning people AWAY from Christ. I'm sharing with a non believing friend and she is completely turned off to Christianity due to your web site. Are we not called to share the Gospel with unbelievers? Did Jesus himself say that a Church is not for the well but the sick? Didn't He himself fellowship with non believers? Asking $2000 for an assurance of salvation is just what Martin Luther created the the Protestant movement for; which is where the Baptist Church is derived. We`are taught, in the Bible, to love the sinner but hate the sin. Jesus summed up the law in loving the Lord God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor as He loved you. You're not showing the love here. In fact, you are blatently portraying hatred. Please reverse your non Biblical approach which is turning people away from Christ. Our goal is to bring people TO Christ. I patiently await your response.
In His service,
Witty website, I mean seriously! It doesn't look like it was made in the 90's or anything. Well, yall have done it again! Man I never thought someone could be quite so skilled in satire, but hey, some people are just good at remaining jaded and obsessed with themselves. So aaaaannnnyway heres something that most likely gets you fast to sleep at night: My young friend (22) died over the weekend. I was upset about it and decided to find the support of caring christians, you know...Genuinely good and nice people. Oh, wait, never mind you wouldn't know because Im certain you are rarely concerned about anyone else at all unless it directly concerns you. So guess what website came up when I searched "24 hour christian support hotline"??? HA HA! Good one! Man that is rich seriously. How do you feel about that? Anyone that believes anything along the lines of your website, or supports it: I will happily look you straight in the eye, and spit directly into your face. I mean, that is what you want, though to further prove your point that "people arent perfect, so why try to be"? Now wouldn't that just be ironic? Religious individuals can grasp abstract concepts such as the ultimate good (GOD), and the afterlife. Unartistic people as yourself waste their entire thought and existence on attempting to "prove a point", or just plain make other people miserable in an awkward attempt to make themselves feel better. So did it work? Are you mad? I mean, I know your mad... deep down you realize it even now, and not only that, you know exactly what I mean by the question "are you mad". People like you don't search for the greater good. You don't accept anything fantastic into your heart. All your opinions are formed by what other "intellectuals" refer to as "facts". "Facts" aren't anything but man's interpretation of the reality around him. So in conclusion throwing rocks at religion isn't going to change the fact you absolutly cannot disprove the exsistence of God. So you justify in your mind why to block goodness out of your life... Because it is "illogical". lol. what good will your logic do when you are dead? Will all these things add up at the end of your days (whenever that is lol could be tomorrow... Who knows) to ultimately satisfy your ego? Thats the real question. I mean, why did you go literally, out of your way to create all these fake articles, etc etc. I guess you had a lot of time on your hands listening to marilyn manson, or whatever garbage you happen to listen to (its certainly not underground, you don't know what that is, and whatever idea you have of it, you make sure to purchase the tshirt at your local hot topic or "alternative" poser online store ;). Im certain your musical tastes are just as abhorrent as your web programming skills (it would have been good in 97'). Were you bored? and if you were was it A: because you were tired of masturbating to internet pornography/ or B: you had a lot of time considering the significant cutbacks in "dating time" seeing as you have nothing to offer to a real woman.??? Well I had fun burning virtually every thread your flimsy philosophy rests upon; did you have fun reading your intellectual demise? Now I eagerly await your witty retort! Also, can I get a free tshirt or something? I deserve it for serving your website. Yes. You just got served. Hey that catch line is outdated! just like you, your opinion, and especially your "website". Have a great day, and talk to you soon!!! PLEASE WRITE BACK! REMEMBER:I only want something so profound it makes me doubt myself to the core! You have already done so well in that field, why not keep it up (or at least try, and fail)?
Cody Pellom - firstname.lastname@example.org