International fugitive and estranged former Pastor of the Landover
Deacon Fred Smith, was captured and taken into custody in the remote
mountains of Manitoba Canada on Saturday, August 7th at 5:27 P.M.
Deacon Fred, who was
incarcerated in early May of this year for inducing a child to
commit bodily harm after listening to one of his sermons,
from the Fort Madison County Iowa Jail on July 4th. With
assistance from an
unknown number of followers, Deacon Fred has since been a fugitive
from justice, eluding authorities and concerned church officials by
hiding in the remote wilderness of Manitoba, Canada.
At 11 PM, Friday, August 6th, a fully deputized Sin Posse of 3,000
Landover Baptist churchmen descended on Deacon Fred's location after a
tip from Rev. Brother Harry Hardwick who had been monitoring an elusive
GPS signal from the basement of his
Leviticus Acres estate in Freehold, Iowa.
What Sin Posse deputies thought would be a speedy military
engagement, turned into over 24-hours of heavy artillery combat.
The battle had all but ended late Saturday evening as most of
Deacon Fred's followers had abandoned all hope and fled further into
the mountains. Sin Posse Deputies rolled back a large stone covering the
entrance of a cave where Deacon Fred had been hiding along with his
peculiar dwarf companion, Tiny Harolson. The estranged Pastor
surrendered without incident - other than slapping a young Sin Posse
deputy across the face and exclaiming, "Shame on you! I know your
Initial reports indicate there were 134 church members lost along
with an M1A2 Abrams tank donated by an
Platinum Tither. The wives of churchmen were alerted to expect
more casualties in addition to loss of expensive equipment and
Tupperware care packages. Canadian Mounties are expected to arrive on
horseback within the next 5-days - so Sin Posse deputies have been
ordered by Rev. Harry Hardwick to leave the area as soon as possible but
to "do their best" to stomp out the smoldering debris from the nearly
400 acres of forest they accidentally set on fire during the battle.
Landover Baptist Church officials are now working carefully to find
any True Christian™ authorities hiding in the Canadian government who
will accept a generous donation to enable safe border passage into
the time of this press release, a caravan of Sin Posse churchmen are
prayerfully beginning their long journey back to Freehold, Iowa with
Deacon Fred safely confined in a caged wagon along with his dwarf
companion, Tiny Harolson, who refused to leave his side or hop
down off his shoulders.
Upon Deacon Fred's return, he will be questioned by the Landover
Baptist Board of Deacons and sent to the Creation Science Research
Center to undergo Preliminary Salvation Re-conditioning before being
placed back behind bars.
Rev. Pastor Harry Hardwick, the chief Pastor of Landover Baptist Church
and a dear friend of Deacon Fred dedicated the Sunday morning prayer to
the brave members of the Landover Baptist Sin Posse who gave their lives
in the Battle of Manitoba to capture Deacon Fred unharmed.
Hardwick ensured church members that Deacon Fred would be treated
with the utmost care. "God willing, one day my old friend will
understand that we all love him dearly and everything we do on his
behalf is an outward manifestation of a genuine heartfelt concern for
his Religious sanity."
Church members continue to pray for the safe passage of their brave
Sin Posse brothers in Christ as they journey home across the Canadian
wilderness with Deacon Fred in tow.