NATIONAL HEADLINES FROM FREEHOLD, IOWA!

Local Holiday Action Alert

Freehold, Iowa - Each year local savages in our God-fearing community insist on playing a role in our historical retelling of the true story of Thanksgiving at Landover Baptist Church. Each year, by the grace of God, they are turned down, told to back away, and arrested, if need be. "Before anyone starts in," Pastor Deacon Fred tells the media,  "Let's make it clear that that we hold no hatred toward the Injun people, even though they committed hate crimes against the wonderful Christian folks who founded our country.  As decent Christians, we love them dearly, convenience permitting. Quite frankly, it is Injun sin that we hate. We hate alcohol, drug use, foul language, loitering, cheating, stealing, lying, gambling, horseplay, lewd attire, the flinging of feces, misuse of leather goods, jewelry on men, and and long hair on men who don't kill themselves for our sins. If we were to let Injuns into our festivities, and onto our properties, it would be like welcoming the Devil into Heaven.  It is nothing against the Injun people. It is against who they are and what they promote as a people. Our Godly church will not taint our respectable Christian image with such an obvious and abhorrent association. Praise the sweet and living name of our precious savior, Jesus Christ! Amen!"

Downtown Freehold and areas near the Landover Baptist Church are Iowa state and private Baptist properties. Injuns have crawled out of their trailers and casinos, high on dope, and drunk on moonshine. They stay drunk all year and sober up for one day, Thanksgiving, and assume lily-white Christian folks will have pity on their wretched souls, and roll out the red carpet. They lay on our streets and sidewalks in protest. They lobby for a demonic presence at our local Thanksgiving Play, they insist on being invited, even though they are unsaved, like their Satan-worshipping ancestors. "Landover Baptist's Two Tons of Turkey and Trimmings Feast on the Lawn is a Godly event, for God’s people," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "And these Injuns spread their germs and venomous lies to corrupt the minds of local youth.

Pastor Deacon Fred presented this question to the town council recently, "Why would we want the descendants of a people who murdered the Godly Christian Pilgrims who came in peace to this country to have an equal seat at our table?" In Freehold Iowa, each member of the town council is a saved, Bible Believing, God Fearing, sin hating, member of Landover Baptist Church. All citizens of Freehold Iowa, are members of Landover Baptist, except Marshall Denton, and Peggy Talbert, who have been locked up in county jail since 1963. Pastor noted, "American Indians are nothing more than 'crooners,' they are greedy gamblers, drunkards with a taste for Christian blood! If we let them attend our Thanksgiving Day ceremonies and festivities, you mark my words! Our women will be raped, our men killed, our children kidnapped, and our churches and Christian homes burned—just as they did when our ancestors came to take this great land for God, over 361 years ago. Watch your scalp around these heathens!"

Two thousand drunk Injuns from the Satan worshipping Sioux, Apache, and Keekabul tribes, litter the streets of Downtown Freehold, Iowa and camp outside the main gates of Landover Baptist's Corporate Church Headquarters. They mock and spit upon the faces of Godly Christians as they pass by, sometimes hacking up their rancid phlegm and cursing at churchgoers in a drunken rage! 

"The Injuns are trying to conjure up their red-skinned master, Satan!" Says town sheriff, Alvin Hinkleworth.  "Their grimacing red faces frighten children and the elderly!" He says. "When it all comes down to it though, Injuns are always trying to put on a show to get a handout.  They will never be satisfied that the White Man who, with God’s grace, overpowered them, took pity on them and gave them a piece of the land we rightfully won by our own strength and the Lord’s own words."

Landover Baptist Church and all surrounding Christian communities refuse to budge on persecution!  "Every November we go through the same thing with these drunken fools!" Says Pastor Deacon Fred. "I will say it again as I've said it countless times in the past! There will not be an Injun presence at our Baptist Thanksgiving Pilgrim Play, nor will there be any Injun costumes or dress worn by anyone. "We are going to celebrate Thanksgiving the right way, God’s way!"  We are going to celebrate this sacred day in the only way which is pleasing unto Jesus Christ and His followers! The demonic presence of those who killed our precious ancestors, is out of the question - in fact, it is absolutely ridiculous to anyone with an ounce of dignity and common sense! These Injuns, or “Natives,” as they demand to be called, work to overthrow the Godly American system our forefathers set up  in this great land. They are trying to put Satan back into control, and we ain’t gonna let ‘em. I got one word for them Natives—Manifest Destiny!  Praise the sweet and precious name of the Lord, Jesus Christ!  Glory! Glory to God!