Accept Christ, Get a Free PlayStation 2!  Special offer for kids only! Skate as Jesus upload to Tony Hawk's Underground included! More>

For the 1,972nd Time, Jesus Forgets All About the Rapture 
"I bet Jesus came down to fetch us, saw our earthly blessings and ran back to Glory to cook up a way to make Heaven even nicer." More>

Christian Children: Report Your Unsaved Parents to the Federal Government! Follow these handy TIPS. More>

Pastor Guns Down Family Dog For Chewing Off Baby Jesus' Head "As soon as that animal saw little Angela unwrap Baby Jesus, he spat out his Menorah chew toy..."  Read More>

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Pastor Promises Jesus' Return in 2004 -- with a Double Your Tithe Back Guarantee to New Members!

Money will be paid to tither within 180 days of the Lord Jesus' actual return to Earth, the fulfillment of all of the catastrophes itemized in Revelation being a condition subsequent to any indebtedness on the part of Landover Baptist Offshore Holdings, LLC and subject to revocation upon entreaty by the Holy Spirit, as determined in the sole discretion of Landover Baptist Offshore Holdings, LLC and it principals.

God Tells Brother Pat Robertson That George W. Bush Will Win 2004 Election in a Landslide

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We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!

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