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Important Easter Message!ATTENTION PARENTS, FINAL NOTICE:
Children Will be Dragged By Their Necks Into the Church Parking Lot on Easter Sunday Details!>

Protecting the Sanctity of Divorce From the Homos Sister Betty Bowers' Guide to a Truly Bible-Based Marriage More>

Freehold, Iowa is Like Heaven!Christian Tourists Rave: A Visit to Landover Baptist Beats a Visitation from Jesus!  The electric Trinity Tram took us through all of the public sanctuaries, and then stopped at the Fellowship Hall where we had lunch catered by Jean Luc CÚzanne More>




How Do Folks Get Saved If They Are Not Permitted to Attend Our Church? It's unbiblical, anti-Christian, and downright dangerous to allow unsaved people into God's house. Read Pastor's Sermon!>

Unsaved Children Nearly Egged To Death In Annual Easter Bunny Slaughter The identities of the wounded Catholic youngsters have been withheld because of their ages. Read More>

Passion for Popcorn and the Christ  "Holy God! It's a Madhouse! A MADHOUSE!" screamed the Lord Jesus.
Click Here For Your Invitation!>

Scooby Doo: The Occult For Kids!

Unreal Tournament 2004 MapsNEWS FOR CHRISTIAN GAMERS!
Unreal Tournament 2004« Bible Based Maps & Characters!
Help Jesus defend the Temple Mount in a blood spattering Holy Death Match! More!>

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The Power of Political Prayer: Why Stop at Assassinating Just Their Character When You Have the Might of the Lord at Your Fingertips?


Mark Your Prayer Calendars to Lobby for the Death of Richard Clarke This Week!  Pastor is asking all Landover Baptist Gold and Silver Level Prayer Partners to disregard the Prayer Circle Hit List included in last Sunday's newsletter.  Those who have begun prayers beseeching the Lord Jesus to smite John "Flip Flop" Kerry are encouraged to finish that entreaty, but to then immediately turn the Lord's attention to the urgent political need to silence Washington blabbermouth Richard Clarke.   For those wishing to learn the most effective ways to cajole the Almighty into killing, make plans to attend "The Power of Persuasive Prayer: Learning What Assassination Approaches the Lord Has A Weakness For" seminar in the main Sanctuary.  Thursday at 8:00pm ($200 in advance / $400 at the door).


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We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!

MAY GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!
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