George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

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How to Crash Satan's Birthday Party and Ruin Hallowen! Visit the Halloween Archive for tips, tricks, and treats to help you fight Satan on his own Birthday! Go!>

John Kerry's Bloodcurdling Agenda for America!  The Landover Baptist Senior High Youth Group picks a theme for this year's Hell House.  Take a terrifying preview of what's in store for unsaved visitors in a Kerry-run America!  Click Here!>

A Halloween Call to Arms! 
"Like a coven of crack-crazed Wiccans on motor scooters, Halloween is recklessly approaching, and so are the elections..." More>

What to Do With a Sissy-Boy Who Says "No" to Sports 
God commanded Abraham to kill his son. Here, the Lord is only asking you to teach a loving lesson that will only involve a short trip to the hospital. More>

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Pastor Wilkins Traps a Live Wiccan!  
Earlier this month, Pastor Wilkins and his son, Willy, caught a 300LB male Wiccan snooping around their shrubbery.  They detained the foul beast and chained it to the furnace in their basement, and shouted scriptures down the stairwell until Landover Baptist Police officers arrived. More>

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We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!

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