North Dakota - At 9:20 a.m., Saturday, June 26, 2010, Mrs. Deacon
Fred Smith (Macel), wife of the former CEO of Landover Baptist Church,
Pastor Deacon Fred
Smith, spoke for the first time in two months.
The utterance occurred at Landover Baptist Church’s
purported “psychiatric facility” in rural North Dakota, named simply
“The Facility.” (The
Facility is hundreds of miles from any other landmark and is not listed
as incorporated in any particular town or county.
It does, however, list, as its mailing address, a Post Office Box
several hundred miles away.)
who have recently attempted to approach The Facility have been
routinely ushered away, sometimes to the sound of rapid gunfire
emanating from what appear to be guard towers located six feet above the
chain link electric fence surrounding the compound.
The Facility gained the interest of news media
when, in a surprise twist of events, Pastor Deacon Fred of Landover
Baptist Church in Freehold, Iowa
was arrested for purportedly inducing physical injury in a minor child
with one of his sermons.
Immediately thereafter, as though they had planned for such a
contingency, church members,
Hardwick and Mrs. Betty Bowers
(considered by many to be America’s Best Christian), stepped in, took
over the church finances and began a
revamping of the organization of Landover Baptist Church that is so
extensive it would make lifelong corporate raiders jealous.
According to a nurse’s assistant employed by The
Facility, found at her trailer some 20 miles away (a woman who asked to
be identified only as “Yolanda”), Mrs. Smith awoke from consciousness
for less than 15 seconds, looked around the room in surprise, suddenly
seemed to realize where she was and uttered five words that appeared to
Upon hearing the last word, Mrs. Smith’s longtime friend,
Hardwick, wife of Landover Baptist’s new chief pastor, Rev. Pastor Harry
Hardwick, the Lord’s Official Posthumous Spokesman, who just
happened to be visiting, intervened.
Pulling a collection of photographs from her handbag, Mrs.
Hardwick grabbed Macel’s face by the cheeks, proclaiming, “Dear, it’s
Heather. Tell us what you
know about this woman.” Mrs.
Hardwick then shoved into Mrs. Smith’s face
a photograph of Edna Denkins, former secretary of Pastor Deacon Fred
(who has not been seen or heard from in over a month).
The photograph showed Ms. Denkins in her “birthday suit,”
standing outside a VFW Lodge in front of 10 geriatric, and partially
enthusiastic, men. Immediately upon seeing the photo, Mrs. Smith began
According to “Yolanda,” Mrs. Smith’s EKG and blood pressure monitors
went off the charts and two nurses and three doctors immediately barged
Hardwick whispered something into the ear of the doctor whom
“Yolanda” believed to be the head physician (though she refused to
reveal names), a nurse entered the room and injected three vials into
Mrs. Smith’s IV tube. Mrs.
Smith immediately went to sleep and has not regained consciousness
“Yolanda” has no idea what was injected into Mrs.
Smith’s IV bag on Thursday.
But she insists that for the past four weeks, Mrs. Smith has been on an
IV regimen involving maximum doses of morphine, methadone,
Dilaudid and other maximum strength narcotics, despite the fact that she
was admitted with no visible injury and no physical pain.
Mrs. Smith remains in critical condition with no injury publicly
telephone calls to The Facility has gone unanswered. Worse yet, in the
wee hours of Friday, the trailer that a background check revealed
matched “Yolanda’s” telephone number, burned to the ground due to what
fire marshals are saying was faulty electrical wiring. Human remains
were discovered inside. No one knows yet whether “Yolanda” was in the
trailer but her pick-up truck was parked outside.