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Vice-President Cheney to Visit Church this Weekend. Bulletproof Vests Half Off in Gift Shop.
Now is also a good time to go ahead and install that armor plating, originally earmarked for our troops in Iraq, that many of you picked up for your Hummers from entrepreneurial government contractors on eBay last year. Furthermore, we are asking that everyone planning to attend the service and subsequent "Hillary Effigy Shooting, Dismembering and Mauling Morning Hootenanny Extravaganza" with the vice-president now submit a "Waiver of Liability for Death or Injury Resulting from Gross Negligence or Drunken Anger" form in triplicate before you will be allowed to participate in these joyous events.
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We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons.
If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed
on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!
If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking
around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click
on this link and we'll help you get started on processing
your eternal security certification right away!
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