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Dear Pastor, Why did Jesus Have Long Hair Like a Homo?Children Will be Dragged By Their Necks Into the Church Parking Lot on Easter  A final warning to all Landover parents. Details>

Dear Pastor, Why did Jesus Have Long Hair Like a Homo?Easter Bunny Bludgeoned to Death Before Cheering Crowd of Baptists! 
"You dirty old  fuzzy demon!" Pastor yelled, as he held the rabbit by its hind legs... Read More>

Unsaved Unwelcome, Even on Easter Sunday! It's unbiblical, anti-Christian, and downright dangerous to allow unsaved people into God's house. More>

The Truth About Saint Patrick's DayThe Terrifying Truth About Saint Patrick!
Pastor delivers a shockingly effective kiddy sermon to a horrified group of rebellious Landover youngsters.
Read More>

The History of Saint Patrick's DayDoes America Really Need Another Excuse for Catholics to Get Drunk?
"Saint Patrick's Day is like green beer - something the Lord never intended," says Pastor Deacon Fred. More>

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Dear Pastor, Do Pets Go to Heaven?Pastor Hospitalized Over Panic Attack Related to Success of Brokeback Mountain
Stress from having to keep silent about a particular movie landed Deacon Fred in the Hospital last month. Full Story>

Tips on Sharing Jesus with Gnomes, Dwarves, Dark Elves and More!Christian Video Gaming News
Winning Souls to Christ in the World of Warcraft
  Christian gamers accept the challenge of sharing Christ's message in a perilous, virtual, lava-soaked, environment. Full Story>

Reader Mail From Landover BaptistReader Mail! Authentic e-mails sent directly to our Pastor's inbox from the heartland of God's Country™
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Vice-President Cheney to Visit Church this Weekend. Bulletproof Vests Half Off in Gift Shop.

Now is also a good time to go ahead and install that armor plating, originally earmarked for our troops in Iraq, that many of you picked up for your Hummers from entrepreneurial government contractors on eBay last year. Furthermore, we are asking that everyone planning to attend the service and subsequent "Hillary Effigy Shooting, Dismembering and Mauling Morning Hootenanny Extravaganza" with the vice-president now submit a "Waiver of Liability for Death or Injury Resulting from Gross Negligence or Drunken Anger" form in triplicate before you will be allowed to participate in these joyous events.

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We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!

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