Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.

The Latest Product Line From Landover Baptist

George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

Accept Christ and Get a Free Playstation2

Goodbye Padded Oak Pews, Hello Luxury Leather Recliners!
An important announcement regarding the availability of luxury seating for select members during Sunday services. More>

Easter Bunny Bludgeoned to Death Before Cheering Crowd of Baptists!
"You dirty old fuzzy demon!" Pastor screamed into the rabbit's ear... Read More>

Unsaved Unwelcome, Even on Easter Sunday! It's unbiblical, anti-Christian, and downright dangerous to allow unsaved people into God's house. More>

The Bible Doesn't Mention Any Ice Age, So Shut Up About It! If you don't know how to answer your child's questions after they see a movie like this, just tell them that Satan... Movie Review>

Regarding the Ads for Body Piercing on Our Church Web Site!
A statement to concerned viewers regarding the ungodly ads that keep popping up on this Christian web site. More>

Landover Baptist T-Shirts, Mugs, Stickers, Greeting Cards, Magnets, Black T's, and More!

Children Will be Dragged By Their Necks Into the Church Parking Lot on Easter A final warning to all Landover parents. Details>

Hell Bound Catholic Children Hospitalized in Annual Easter Bunny Egging The Easter Bunny Slaughter For Stew turned near deadly earlier this week. More>

Christian Video Gaming News
Winning Souls to Christ in the World of Warcraft Christian gamers accept the challenge of sharing Christ's message in a perilous, virtual, lava-soaked, environment. Full Story>

Reader Mail! Authentic e-mails sent directly to our Pastor's inbox from the heartland of God's Country™
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Vice-President Cheney to Visit Church this Weekend. Bulletproof Vests Half Off in Gift Shop.

Now is also a good time to go ahead and install that armor plating, originally earmarked for our troops in Iraq, that many of you picked up for your Hummers from entrepreneurial government contractors on eBay last year. Furthermore, we are asking that everyone planning to attend the service and subsequent "Hillary Effigy Shooting, Dismembering and Mauling Morning Hootenanny Extravaganza" with the vice-president now submit a "Waiver of Liability for Death or Injury Resulting from Gross Negligence or Drunken Anger" form in triplicate before you will be allowed to participate in these joyous events.

We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!