Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome.

George W. Bush - Official 2004 Campaign Site

Accept Christ and Get a Free Playstation2

Congregation Stripped Naked in Mormon Underwear Bust!
Three church members were excommunicated and four others are being held for questioning after a surprise raid during the 11 A.M. church service. Read More>

Is Your Little Baby Going to Go Gay?
Serve meals that more effectively evoke a hankering for the fragrant delights of the female genitalia. An artichoke stuffed with tuna fish will usually do the trick. Homo Prevention Tips for Your Toddler>

Bible Based Marriage Regulations

Identify Yourself With a Godly Bumper Sticker

Christian Kids Want to Know:
Will I See My Grandpa Naked After the Rapture? "What's gonna happen, Pastor? When I gets to Heaven, I don’t wanna see my grandpappy nekkid! He’s gonna want to give me a great big hug, and I don’t think I’m gonna like it!" More!>

Free Movie Preview:
The Passion of the Christ Part II An exclusive preview of the new film, The Payback of the Christ. Watch!

King of the Mary-Worshippers Thumbs His Nose at God and Still Refuses to Die
"The second thing to cross my mind – after Satan in a skirt - is that that old fool is going to be called home to his pal Lucifer any minute now," says Pastor. Developing Story>


		Fund Raising Drive: Imported Hand Made Italian Purple Silk, 14K Gold Embroidered, Wrinkle Resistant Choir Robes Proceeding last Sunday's Mormon underwear bust, Landover Baptist cult investigators opened a warehouse full of magic Mormon underwear they obtained during a soul-winning trip to Salt Lake City last year. Dozens of rare (and possibly dangerous), level 64 Mormon Priestess Temple Thongs, and "I Went to Salt Lake City and All I Got Was this Mormon Underwear," items are now being sold to unsaved people in the Landover Baptist Store. The money received from sales of occult underwear will be used to purchase a complete set of imported hand made Italian purple silk, 14K gold embroidered, wrinkle resistant choir robes for the Landover Baptist Senior's Choir.

We have a permanent injunction against all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

If you are interested in getting saved, and you are not joking around about it just to upset us, we ask you kindly to click on this link and we'll help you get started on processing your eternal security certification right away!

MAY GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Search Landover Baptist's Archives by subject below, or click here to be taken to the Pearly Archive Gateway!

Action Alerts
Baptist Sexuality
Bible Quizzes
Book Reviews
Cathylicks
Child-Rearing
Christmas
Creation Science
Cults
Demon Possession
Finance

Halloween
Heavenly Health
Homersexurals
Movie Reviews
National News
Negroes
Politics
Sermons
Spiritual Life
Thanksgiving
Allah's Terrorists