February 2001

l

l





God Kicks Off End Times Killing Spree With Indian Earthquake
Fortunately only three Christians were accidentally killed. Jesus confirms that they are in Heaven and over thirty-thousand Hindus are now in Hell.
Click Here For Full Story>

Christian Ladies Go Undercover for Jesus at Des Moines Sex Club!
"What concerned me," said Sister Taffy, "was the thought that I might be sitting in church next to one of those tramps.
Read This Report>

Hackers for Jesus Crash 300 Porno Sites!
Is hacking a sin? Not if it's for Jesus! Praise!
Read More!>

Bible Sex Quiz
Test your knowledge of Scripture. Find out what kind of sexual behavior God finds abhorrent, and what he does to people who make him sick.
Take The Quiz>
Baptizing Another Secular Holiday!

Find out how you can help!
Click here!>



Church Moves On After Unseemly Death of Pastor Ebeneezer Smith
Pastor will be sorely missed, and the boys who took his life will experience cold shoulders at church for at least a couple of weeks.
Read More!>

George Bush Touches Teenage Boy
Full Story>

Knowledge May Be The Leading Cause of Pregnancy and Disease
The cure for just about everything is "abstinence," just like it says in the Bible.
Click for Details>

Rugrats - Television For Pedophiles
Wake up America! This so-called children's show is too vile for Pay-per-view, let alone Nickelodeon.
Click for Details>

Heather Hardwick's Heart and Head Healthy Habits
Christian Diet Tips!>

Download Your Demonolgy Diploma Adobe PDF Diplomas are available to everyone who graduated with this degree.
Download Diploma>

Are You A Pagan By Accident? Take Betty Bowers' "Shopping For A Personal Savior Test" and find out!
Take the test>

Landover On ifilm!
View our protest of the vile Hollywood play "Southern Baptist Sissies" on ifilm.com
Click Here!>

our christian world

Kimberly-Clarke, Inc. Introduces "Wet Toilet Paper"
"It is disgusting," decried Pastor Deacon Fred, "that the American people can't take care of such a vile business without some godless company trying to make a buck by turning nature's most tawdry requirement into fun and games. It is amazing how secular people find something perverted in everything! Rubbing your rear with wet toilet paper will be like having a big dog lick at your bottom and can only whet folks' appetite for things no decent person should engage in." Pastor later clarified his comment by saying: "Let nothing I said imply that I am in any way relaxing the Southern Baptist edict that wives must be submissive and do everything that their husbands command."

Jury Acquits Church Member In Fatal Shooting of Deacon
Last Friday, a Freehold jury, consisting exclusively of Landover members, found tin-level tither, Bubba Smith, not guilty of all murder charges in connection with the death of newly ordained Deacon Paul Matthews. Jury foreman, Jebidiah Shrub, spoke to reporters after the verdict. "Even though that deacon is new, he should've knowed better than to go around meeting people at 8:00 on a Saturday morning, dressed in a three-piece suit. We believed Mr. Smith when he said he thought the guy was either a Jehovah's witness or a government agent, come to collect back taxes or weapons."

Unsaved Catholic Claims Sister Taffy Caused His Deafness
Father Peter O'Riley filed a lawsuit in district court last week, claiming Sister Taffy caused his deafness when she rebuked him at point blank range through her well-worn bullhorn as he exited the local Catholic church. Sister Taffy had just quoted Scripture on pedophilia when the local priest dropped to the ground. At Sister Taffy's instruction, her lawyers have filed an answer asserting intervening and superseding cause, in particular, that deafness is God's punishment of sinners (Exodus 4:11). The answer asserts that no blame should placed on Sister Taffy, who was nothing more than the conduit through which God performed His will. Sister Taffy has filed a countersuit charging the priest with persecuting Christians.
Sign Up Now!




Our Godly Film Reviews
The Grinch!
You can paint the Devil green and fool unsaved children, but not Jesus!
Castaway A Life Without Jesus
Blair Witch 2 A Christian Movie!
The Patriot Anti-Christian Trash!
Thomas & The Magic Railroad
Dinosaur: Not for Children
Me, Myself & Satan: Demon Possession
Gladiator: Homosexual lust!
American Psycho: Bill Clinton
Man on the Moon: ...or Devil in Hell?
Toy Story 2: Satan's New Film
The Green Mile: Men, Prison, Showers
Blair Witch Project: Dora Jean Reviews
Boys Don't Cry: "Bull Dykes Don't Cry"
American Beauty: Ugly Satanic Slop
The Talented Mr. Ripley: Fine Christian Fare

CapAlert:
Christian Movie Reviews With Which We Agree

Interact With God (Us)!
Visit With Our Pastors (click here)

True Christians Unite!
Apostolic Astrology Angel Anne
Christian Realty Inc. Marla Jennings
America's Best Christian Betty Bowers
Bible Answer Man Brother Harry Hardwick
Women's Issues Sister Taffy
60 Second Sermons: Pastor Deacon Fred
Surf The Net With Jesus! Judy O'Christian
The Upper Room: Ladies Chat
Members Board: Church Members Only!
Movie Preview: Levitical Law Week
Daily Blessings: Sign Up!
Bible Punishment Quiz Take it!
What Did Jesus Say? Flash Quiz!

Christian Politics
photo Laura Bush Interview
America's Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, interviews our new first lady.

We Need Dick!
Betty's Notes
Abortion Rumor
Bush Quotes!
Court Supremes
Church Ladies
Homos & Kids!

Lesbians Attack!
LIE-berman
Fetus Harvest
Clinton - Porn Lover
Liberals Hate
Register To Vote>
Boycott Disney

A Godly Warning
We have taken the liberty of requesting a restraining order on all unsaved persons. If you are unsaved, you are not allowed within a 10-mile radius of our church, nor are you allowed on this website. Kindly leave, and be about the Devil's business, for you are not welcome here. Glory!

What Did I Miss? Issue Covers
January 2001
December
November
October
September
August
July
June Sealed
May
Full Archive
Recent Additions

Church Mail Bag
Read unedited e-mail that Landover Baptist receives on a daily basis by clicking here


Search Landover Baptist:


About landoverbaptist.com | Advertising information | Help/Feedback
Join Us | Terms of Service | Plan Of Salvation | News Archives