Tin-Level Tither Convicted of Manslaughter in Miscarriage Mishap

Mezzanine seat church ticket holder, Mrs. Jack (Marcia) Davies, was convicted of third degree murder in connection with the death of her four-week old zygote last Tuesday. The jury returned a unanimous verdict after it learned that Mrs. Davies, despite her pregnancy, continued to attend step aerobics classes at the Freehold YWCA. During a “reverse-hop-turn” on the bench, Mrs. Davies slipped and landed on her belly. She then made her way to the restroom, and the baby made its way into the Freehold sewer system. The jury sentenced Mrs. Davies to 20 years in a maximum security prison cell and hard labor. Pastor Deacon Fred expressed the church’s universal support for the verdict. “Whether you stab a newborn infant, strangle a one-year-old baby, don’t eat the right foods while expecting, or just plain slip, the bottom line is that you’re a killer. Hopefully, Mrs. Davies has learned that a True Christian™ lady stays in bed when expecting (not that she’ll get out in time to actually act on that knowledge).”