BETTY BOWERS CHRISTIAN ADVICE
Why Do People Create Elaborate Websites That Mock Fundamentalist Christians?
America's Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, offers candid, Biblical advice to readers.
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King of the Mary Worshipers Thumbs His Nose at God and Refuses to Die!
Mumbling satanic sermons, he waves his hand from balconies like some palsy drunk hailing a cab. The second thing to cross one's mind - after Satan in a skirt is, "When is Lucifer going to call this old fool home?"
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Secret Scriptures!
Do your friends know that God wants to smear dung on their faces?
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Local Headlines
Church Member Expelled After Voting Democrat
Mrs. Lana Dobson and her husband, Ron, were expelled from the church and asked to leave Freehold after officials learned Mrs. Dobson voted for a Democrat in the recent county elections. Though ballots were kept secret, Landover deacons monitoring the voting became suspicious when Mrs. Dobson took 10 minutes to fill out her ballot, suggesting she had not voted a straight Republican ticket. During intense questioning in the main sanctuary basement, Mrs. Dobson admitted she voted for a family friend who was the Democratic candidate for Director of Refuse Collection. The new recipients of the Dobsons’ church seats will be announced Wednesday morning, after waiting lists are reviewed.
Christian Charity Met With Rudeness
Last week, Mrs. Betty Bowers sent Payless Spokesperson Star Jones to Church's Fried Chicken to pick up dinner for her Christian Crack Whore Ministry. Ms. Jones ordered: "103 Buckets of (Mixed) Fried Chicken; 3 Buckets of Wings; 18 pounds of Mashed Potatoes and 145 Honey-Butter Biscuits." The girl behind the counter asked, "Ms. Jones, is that for here or to go?"
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